When you don’t have enough money to buy a dollar store Christmas present for you children, nevermind buy them a Christmas tree with pretty lights. I wish I had the money to afford to buy the material to make them special Christmas presents, and the ability and creativity to do it. I’m so sick, and if I get out of bed, I get sicker and weaker. He doesn’t help. I feel so alone. I just want to be healthy and strong again. I want to be like all those mom’s you see, and know, that have energy and drive and health. I feel like a failure as a mother. I am a failure of a mother. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up, but then I know no one would be there for my precious kids. He just couldn’t handle it alone, he can’t handle it with me for a whole day. I am a failure …through and through.