So far…

So things have been pretty chaotic since I last wrote.  Work has been crazy and I’ve been working some shit hours.  I mostly work the graveyard shifts now so my social life is out the window and my body clock is all messed up.  I’ve been hanging out with Conor a lot and I can’t help but like him.  He’s sweet.  I’ve still got this boyfriend issue.  I don’t know what to do and I’m so busy right now I can’t even begin to think about that or the repercussions of my actions.  I’m just so tired and out of it that I just want to sleep or run away.  My flight or fight response is definitely not fight.  At least not in this case.  I’ve got a busy weekend coming up. I’m going to the boyfriends tonight and then going to work from his house tomorrow and then tomorrow night I might hangout with Conor and then on Sunday I’m supposed to go to a Raiders game with Gregory.  Ive never been to a football game and am actually not into football at all but it sounds fun and I should cross it off my bucket list.  I feel like I’m on autopilot or I’m stuck in a dream.  I don’t know if it’s my schedule or just that I’ve been constantly busy that I don’t even have time to think but I’ve been out of it.  I also got in trouble with my stupid car device.  I tried to start it the next morning after a night out with Conor and it kept failing and eventually locked me out.  My parents had to pick me up and not to mention my car was parked at a meter.  I wasn’t able to start it for 24 hours and then I had to take it in to the shop and pay 70 bucks to get it reset.  My parents are pissed.  I can’t help but keep getting in trouble because I’ve been making some really terrible decisions.  Maybe it’s an addiction or something but I can’t help but go down this downward spiral.  I’ve also started smoking at work.  I used to hate smoking but ever since I ran out of my anxiety medication and I started my crazy work schedule it’s the only thing that kind of helps.  Things are…not good. 

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