Update

alright so I haven’t written to myself in so long. Where am I currently? I am living inside Zion National Park. I have been here since March of 2016 and I am contracted to stay until April May 2017. It’s been a pretty great summer pretty good time being here. I spent the first part of the summer chasing after a guy of course. Which as you can expect ended in disaster. A part of me feels like like that I am poison to the people around me and that I need to just not be around people. Aside from the people I have made Great accomplishments for myself while here. I’ve committed to Fitness in my life a lot more than I ever expected. I’ve become a server at a restaurant which is not something I ever expected myself to do. I don’t feel like I’ve really become a better person necessarily in some ways will being here because so many people just grind my gears and irritate me and they just humans and I don’t like them.

It’s just me and my current roommate is just so frustrating and it’s not as bad as it I make it out to be but everything that she does irritate mean and so I just I make small little things into big things and they’re not. I suppose that I am just such an independent person that I don’t like when people ask me where I’m going what I’m doing. I don’t want people to come along with me when I go hiking. I don’t want I don’t want people with me. And yet this get this overwhelming burden as though I’m supposed to be you know her best friend her caretaker and another person that she walks to the EdR with the person she does all these things with and I’m just not that person. I’m really no one’s person even the people I do like I don’t do any of those things with. Last summer when I had a friend to want to do the same things with me I blew her off so much. I feel like though she learned for me by being so independent that she herself became independent. Even towards the end of the season she did a spontaneous trip to another state and was there by herself for a few days. Is slowly and steadily in my current roommate has been going out and hiking and biking alone but still this huge gap up like things that I could initiate but I don’t want to. Then I even find myself not wanting to go out because I don’t want to be burdened by company I don’t want to be around anyone. I need to remind myself that it’s just a few more days that she is here and I’ll be going on actually on the 9th so really it’s just 6 more days. I can turn this around and be a better person that she needs me to be. So I will say every time I turn this around she comes back and like I give him a little bit of leeway and she just blows it up in my face. Like the freaking picture on Facebook stupid I tell her that I don’t want my pictures on the internet I don’t like my pictures on the internet and yet she posts our picture together online and which is fine but then she put on her Facebook profile and I just I’m not comfortable with my picture being online and in the pictures I do have are pictures that are distant. Then when I messaged her to ask me to ask her to take it off she just completely ignores me. Also other times where you know she asked me if I want to drive with her because she’s going to like ex place and I can come along and get some errands done with her but it ends up me just coming along so I could pay for her gas. And then she’s always on the phone and then when she’s on the phone she’s a horrible driver. Another time she was on speaker was sitting to the guy ¬†Rave about Trump. I about lost my s*** then. So it’s just six more days I can do this.

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