Journal Day 42

In the most likely circumstances when you consider average lifespans, I’ll probably be dead around the years 2063 – 2083, even though I want to live to see the year 2100. I could be dead even before 2060. Who knows? But in all likeliness, I’ll be most likely be dead within that range. My goal is to live to 107 and 4 months, living to see the year 2100. I make that goal at the age of 23.

2060 is going to be a remarkably different year from 2016 right now. Most people I know will be dead by then. I say most people because I’d say a majority of people I know and see are older than me by a good 10-30 years. All my teachers, bosses, mentors, people I see walking around on the streets, people I see driving, they’re all older than me usually by a decade or two. More likely than not, they’ll be gone by the time 2060 rolls by.

It’s a depressing thought but; my parents, all my aunts, all my uncles, all my grandparents, will be gone by then. A lot of my friends and family who are around the same age as me now, will most likely be gone by then too.

By 2100, most people I encounter today, no matter how old or how young or if they were just born today, will be gone. From that view, anyone around 10 years older than me isn’t really that much older than me, and anyone 10 years younger than me isn’t really that much younger than me. The differences are big right now, but once I’m in my 60s then people older than me would be in their 70s, the people younger than me would be in their 50s. The differences become almost invisible. We’ll all be old seniors walking around and we’ll see anyone in their 30s as very young.

It’s funny how when you first enter high school the age, appearance, intelligence, and experience difference between the freshmen and seniors were huge. Imagine one of them was a freshman age 14, the other a senior at 18. When these people reach their 40’s, one can be 44 and the other 40, at that age their differences then become indiscernible. Take that into the 50s, one is 57 the other is 53, again there’s even less difference between the two.

I bring that as an example because as a senior I used to view the freshmen in my high school as young. I thought they were extremely young. But they’re not really. They’re all in college now. All of them. And even though at that point in time I thought we were generations apart, once we grow to the age of our 30s and 40s as a generation, we’ll be indiscernible from one another having grown up in the same era.

When I was a freshman I used to view the seniors as having a lot more experience and knowledge than I did. I thought they knew the answers to everything. That they knew the ins and outs of life. It’s only as I grew solder that I realize no one really knows what they’re doing. People do what they do usually not because of a choice, but because they’re bound to behaving that way because of how they were raised and what they were taught and experienced and the circumstances they were in.

Sure, we can make choices to do something, but external forces ultimately govern our thoughts and behavior. Why am I writing right now for example? There could be a billion other things I could be doing: watching television, watching YouTube, playing video games, going out, juggling balls, working, cooking, sleeping, etc. Yet why do I write?

It’s because I’ve been doing it for a while, and I’m somewhat lured in by a subconscious force to keep doing it. It’s the same force that makes me drink water when I’m thirsty or attend class at the time it’s scheduled. Despite the millions of other things I could be doing right now, I don’t consider any of those things as possible courses of action to take because all the accumulation of my experiences and circumstances tell me it’s better to write than do any of those things.

Why would I juggle balls right now for example? From my perspective it’s a waste of time, and my belief system hates wasting time, so my body is plagued to even attempt it.

Today I spent a lot of my time reading about circumstances relating to people’s deaths and the last words they said. Kind of surprising that I woke up at 8 AM this morning and it’s 4 PM now and I haven’t done a single thing all day.

I think I’m bored, unsatisfied, or lonely, or all of those things. I used to be so creative when people cared about what I was doing, when I had creations to show off to people. I’d spend hours and days working on certain projects just so people can see how great and innovative the work was. Just so people can see how hard working and diligent I was for working on X project and accomplishing Y feat. I created several websites and flash games as a freshman in high school because I knew my classmates would play them and visit the websites.

Now I realize I no longer get approval from anyone and that has somewhat destroyed my motivation for working on anything new or innovative. I don’t need anybody’s approval, but it does give my life a little bit more meaning than nothing. Working hard on something and just having no one else look at it makes it feel like all that hard work was meaningless.

One thing I got done today though was I finishing wrapping up that $1450 Macbook Pro I sold on Friday and I’m going to ship it out tomorrow. It cost $30 for the shipping, $50 in PayPal fees, and $200 for eBay fees. That effectively leaves me with $1170 pocketed cash for something I bought for $1800. That’s a $630 loss, but oh well. All possessions lose their value, the only possessions that will give your life value are knowledge and life experiences. Still, you can have all the knowledge in the world, but it’s what you do with it that counts.

Here’s my To-Do List for the day:

  • Wrap up Macbook Pro
  • Learning Guide Unit 4
  • Reading Assignments Unit 4
  • Discussion Forum Unit 4
  • Images with Markup lesson
  • Walk outside for an hour without glasses or contacts

Everything listed here is under my control. So now I’ll get to work and change this unproductive day into a productive one.

It’s now 10:59 PM and I got most of those things done. I got everything done in that list except for the discussion forum assignment and images with markup lesson, which are both 95% done. I couldn’t finish the forum assignment because one requirement is that you reply to 3 people’s postings. There had only been 2 other posts besides my own, so I was only able to reply to both of them.

The images with markup lesson, I was able to complete most of it except for the last part which will take a while, I can reserve that task for tomorrow. Walking outside I haven’t done yet either actually, it’s currently raining, it’s dark outside, and it’s freezing. I will still do it for the sake of my vision though. Walking outside is what I’ll do after posting this journal entry. That’ll save more time in the end, so when I come back home all I have to do is sleep.

While doing my learning guide assignment, my parents called me saying that they were coming back home to pick me up in case I wanted to go with them to Costco. I said sure, and got ready. This morning I sent Obs a message telling her that I read her entry and it was okay if she couldn’t make it tonight. I didn’t get any reply so I sent her a message again before heading out of the building to visit Costco with my parents.

The place was packed. Like I said before, most people I encounter are a lot older than myself, and today was no exception. I think the entire night in crowds of hundreds, I saw just one person younger than me. It’s an old world that I live in (only because I’m so young). Anyway, I ended up grabbing a lot of fruits like blackberries, grapes, cranberries, and blueberries. I also bought some mix green vegetables and chips to go with it, plus a dip for the chips. My parents bought some other foods. I paid for it all and we left. I’m fine paying for it, I realize both my parents are mere shadows of their former selves. The total was $80, this will only last me a week, and fruit is perishable, so I have to consume it or lose it.

When I got back home I started watching videos while dipping the nachos and eating. Oh man, I love the taste of tortilla chips with dip. Delicious. I also noticed that Obs sent a reply, almost immediately after I sent her the previous message which was almost two hours ago at this point, she could wait a bit longer while I eat and watch videos. I also tried out a combination of the fruits, it was delicious.

Then I got back to doing my homework assignments, but a little bit into the homework I sent Obs a reply to her more than two hour old message. She sent a message a few minutes later and we chat for well over an hour afterwards. We talked about several different topics including topics related to our past, present, and future.

She showed me some games she made in the past when she was 10, and I showed her games I made when I was around her age. I then gave her advice on not wasting her time on games so much, because: “No matter how great your accomplishments in a video game, it won’t really make a difference in your life, except take away time you can never get back,” which I think is great advice. I advised her to work more on her art / programming because that will get her better results in the long run.

We agreed on talking to each other at least once a week to see how the other was doing. Because of our hobbies and personality that we have in common, we relate to each other pretty well. I told her I was like her from the future, because I’d already been through most of what she’s experienced or will experience. I told her again that I hoped that we remained friends for life well into our 60s and beyond, she said she felt the same way. We said our good nights.

megg-gawat-day-42-selfie
Selfie for the day

One thought on “Journal Day 42”

  1. From 17 untill 24-25 I loved video games so much))))) loved that world of fantasy and fairy tale, which deeped me games) Now I like plaing too) but in most real games: paintbool, cards, board games and others, all what can transform boring dull reality of the adults for some funny and kind))
    And like to make fruit salads from banana, mandarin, apple and honey, sooooooo delicioooous!

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