I went to the doctors today to talk about my medication as I’m not feeling any better on it, Iv recently been put on diazepam as well for panic attacks and it seems to be having a bad effect on me. I had to see a different doctor because mine wasn’t there. I was told I had to give my tablets another 4 weeks before they will think about changing them, and then she told me she wouldn’t have put me on diazepam if it was her I saw last time and she advised me to stop taking it. All doctors seem to do is fob you off with tablets or turn you away all together! she asked about any suicidal feelings or self harm, I was open and honest hoping she would give me some advice or help, I nearly burst into tears, my hands started shaking and my heart started racing. I know she could tell I was getting upset, she just looked at my cuts and told me to ring the crisis team if I needed them, she was shocked at my response when I replied, if I need them I still wouldn’t ring them because they turned me away last time she just looked at me blank, told me I can ring the doctors if I need them then sent me on my way. I don’t know what I expected her to do or say, I just wanted her to do something so I felt I was a step forward having gone to doctors.

4 thoughts on “Frustrated”

  1. Take a week off of everything and make full time for yourself doing what you love. Ignore all your problems or threats, why would you harm yourself if there was someone else who wanted to harm you? Aren’t you doing that favor for them?

    They’re most likely not going to do anything. So you’re suicidal, but why would you be, if there was someone who wanted to take your life from you anyway? If you can’t have kids, that shouldn’t limit your life. You’re still alive now and you can do anything you want.

    Sir Isaac Newton the father of physics and creator of calculus, never had any kids or any relationships with any women in his entire life, yet he was knighted and had all these accomplishments that went down in history. You can still do something great too. You can email me if you want, and you can ring me if you want, I’m working from home tomorrow so I’ll be available.

  2. Broken wings…..that is so descriptive. I’m so thankful you are out of that toxic relationship. Oh my God. (That is a prayer). I feel your broken, frightened heart. It will take time to get over all this, dear girl. You’ve been horribly abused and controlled by a monster of a person. Give yourself permission to be sick and to need help. This stage will last a while, then you will start to get stronger, and you will hear yourself laughing again, and you’ll know you’re going to make it.
    Doctors can be so wrong… don’t need to give up on having a baby someday. Now would not be a good time anyhow. Later on you can try.
    Your life is precious, created by God for Himself to love. I can’t even imagine how angry he must be at your ex-boyfriend for hurting you so. Hide your soul in His arms and be safe. Turn to him. The humans you’ve turned to haven’t been much help at all, agreed? Tell Jesus what you are feeling and trust that He cares profoundly and Is going to help you get strong again and have a wonderful life. “God is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms. You are crushed, darling girl. First thing: don’t hurt yourself any more. Don’t hurt yourself in any way. Ask God to protect you from all harm by yourself or others. Talk to Jesus. He was abused too and then crucified. He is for LIFE. He even rose again from the dead so He could still be with us and take care of us. He loves you like nobody has ever loved you—no conditions, no ifs ands or buts. He longs for you to feel better. He is available 24/7. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is your HOPE.
    No vet knows how to repair a butterfly’s wing if it is broken—-but Jesus does. He has creative, miraculous powers to make you NEW. I’ve been through a lot myself, and He has given me my life and even joy and peace. He will do it for you. I am praying for you, sweetheart. I’m going to call you Butterfly. Because you will come out of this dark cocoon into beautiful light and life and you will fly again! I know it. Love to you.
    And prayers every day.

  3. Butterfly, I forgot to tell you: ask your doc if he will change you to lorazepam or Ativan (same thing). I was on diazepam and it made me feel weird and panicky. When I was changed to Ativan, everything smoothed out. It acts in about 10 minutes and just calms you down a lot. I hope your doc will agree to this. Blessings and goodnight!

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