Insomina

I hate not being able to shut down my brain and fall asleep. Nights like these make me hate the day. Walking around like a zombie. Every day when I first wake up, I pinch myself to see if I can wake up from this nightmare called life. It’s amazing how this time last year I was rushing home after each work day. Last year was perfect, too perfect…

It’s mind numbing to think that my world was turned upside down within a year. I was content for three months. I finally have a family that sat down for dinners, job I love, got engaged and living in a wonderful condo. Perfect. I was in Heaven. I didn’t need anything else in life. Every weekend, the parents and I would go out to eat then grocery shopping, bonding time. I loved every minute of it. Then with the blink of an eye, everything was gone. The family bonding time have been replaced with my folks yelling at each other and my sister trying to get as much money from us as possible all under the guise of taking care of the parents.

Whereas last year, I drifted off to sleep with a smile, I cry myself to sleep every night. I miss my old room and my bonding time with my parents. I can’t believe all those times I used coupons to save a few bucks here and there in the hopes to save enough money for my own home were in vain. All those years helping them only to have them turn around and screw me over this year. This mess was a result of getting engaged and they were afraid that I would leave them. I told them I would still help out as much as I can in monetary or physically terms (grocery shopping, moving furniture, etc) and I didn’t plan on getting married until at least 2 years later. All I asked was just one year, one stinking year, of peace so I can get everything taken care of for them and to get my wedding plans under way. One year out of 30+ years of my life…one year to let me be happy. Just one year be about me after all those years I took care of everything from medical paperwork, doc visits, etc. I wished I had stayed out when I left home. I went back home to care for them after my dad had a stroke. I helped out the sister financially and now she’s trying to bankrupt me so I won’t have money for the wedding. Congrats for turning the happiest time of my life into the worst time of my life. Thanks for the tears dripping down my cheeks now.

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