Journal Day 44 – Second Titled Entry and Observant Bystander

Last night I said that I was going to walk two laps (6-8 miles) no matter what. Well, I walked less than a block before realizing it was way too cold. The wind pierced through my thick jacket and thermals. If I kept walking, I concluded I was going to get sick so I decided to turn around and go home.

Before heading outside though I sent Obs another email. I sent what I felt insecure about regarding these journal entries that we make. We both write about each other, but I basically told her that I felt insignificant when I read her entries because our conversations wouldn’t get much of a mention. In my entries on the other hand, I write about our interactions in detail because they’re meaningful to me.

This morning I woke up around 9:30 AM and I’m working from home. I’m surprised that it’s 11:35 AM now and I haven’t gotten any work done. So far I’ve eaten breakfast and took a shower. After taking a shower I stepped outside planning to walk for a few laps, but it was cold and raining, I didn’t want to get sick so I headed back in.

I did some work, answered some emails, and hmm… I’m thinking of walking outside for a bit. It’s raining outside, but when it’s raining is probably one of the best times to go for a solitary walk. It virtually guarantees you won’t run across anybody.

Well the day is almost over and I don’t think I got anything done. I woke up pretty early too. I was most productive when I kept a schedule of things, so I guess I’ll do that again starting tomorrow. Even though scheduling made me extremely productive, I stopped doing it because it took a lot more effort.

I walked for a bit outside today while it was raining and freezing. I was intent on doing a couple of laps. Except about halfway through a lap, which is about 30 minutes in, I walked straight into a deep puddle of water pooling up on the path. I didn’t see it because I didn’t have any contacts or glasses on, but both my feet and ankles were now soaking wet and freezing cold. I decided not to continue the walk and turned around to go back home, walking was a bit harder because my feet started feeling numb. I kept wiggling my toes as I walked to get keep the blood flowing, but they felt cold and numb.

Eventually I got back home and even though I was using an umbrella, all my clothes were wet so I had to hang them to dry. I took a hot shower to get away from the cold, and this weird extremely itchy sensation came to my feet. I just looked it up and it looks like this is a very common skin sensation when you go from freezing temperatures to hot temperatures. My feet became unbearably itchy and I had no idea what was going on or why this was happening.

Anyway, after I changed clothes I signed onto skype to be greeted by a message from Obs. She said she replied to my email, so I replied back to her email. She replied again to my email, and I replied again to her email. Then silence for a while. I ate some dinner and started working on this entry a bit more before she messaged me saying that she had written about me in her latest post and she had some time to discuss it.

She went ahead and just copy and pasted the parts of it that she wanted me to read, and I read it. She made a pretty detailed post regarding our situation and her feelings towards it. She felt uncertain about how she could support me because of how much further ahead I was in life or how much impact I would have on supporting her because she’s already heard the kind of advice I’d give. We discussed these topics openly.

Regarding her supporting me, I just told her the truth. She believed that she couldn’t support me because it seemed like I was already so far ahead, successful, and that I knew what I was doing. I told her that she might see me that way, but if she just went down this current path she’s on, she would be far more successful than me at the same age. I told her I felt supported just knowing that while I live my day, there is at least one person that cares about me.

Regarding me supporting her, she wanted me to have more impact. I didn’t know what she meant at first, but she gave me an example of how I could have more impact on a personal level. From that, I think I understood what she meant. Of course I would be available for her in the example she gave, and yet I can still probably do more. I’ll have to ask since I’m not sure, but I believe she wants me to become more meaningful in her life, someone she can rely on to fulfill needs that others wouldn’t be able to.

That’s what I like about our friendship, that we get along very well and that we consider each other easy to talk to, we could talk about anything. What makes our friendship unique is that we both keep a daily journal and we both write about each other, so we can peer into the other’s mind. This means we both understand a lot about the other’s personal lives without even talking. It’s an awesome friendship that we both have with each other, and we both want it to last for life.




Selfie for the day

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