I went for the advice many have given me. I asked my friends about why I wasnt invited on Monday.
I was standing with two of them. I asked them simply “Why wasnt I invited though?”. They both looked at eachothers immidetly and didnt say a single thing, then the bell rang. Saved by the bell i guess. Before they could head into the classrooms. I stopped the other one, and asked again. “Why didnt I get invited?”, she looked me and she said she didnt know aswell. A word slipped out of her mouth by mistake, and it seemed that It wasnt just Monday that I wasnt invited, it was yesterday also. They couldnt have forgotten me twice? It sucks knowing that they never intended to have me in the group at all. I just looked at her for a second and walked away, she understood that I wasnt really happy about it all.
In the break right after, I went to their classroom but they were not there. So I walked around the school looking for them, and found them in the end sitting by the canteen. I went to them, and my friend had shared with the previous birthday child about how I felt. She said “So, were you going to join us on Saturday to the pool?” she asked me in a weird tone, I didnt reply because we were thrown out at that time and continiued talking outside.
I dont really remember the talk completely but it was something like this:
Friend: You can be a part of the group if you want. You like taking photos, so you can take pictures of us.
Me: so, I’m only being invited to take pictures of you guys then?
Friend: Nono, thats not exacly what I meant *awkwardly looking around*
Friend: But like, we have 1 rule to be in our squad! You have to be super crazy, we always have fun like that.
Me: Oh, I wasnt invited because I’m calm?
Friend: Yeah honestly yes.
Friend 2: *bumps into friend* *tells her to shut up*
After that I felt like real shit. During the whole next class I was thinking about it. I felt like crying but managed to keep it in. It made me think alot. Im not crazy, loud and extroverted like everyone else here is. Thats always been a problem, I’m so silent and calm that It has gotten me so many problems in life. I feel like hating myself for being like this. I wish i wasnt so silent. I wish i could just shout out whatever I want whenever I want.