You’re not fun

I went for the advice many have given me. I asked my friends about why I wasnt invited on Monday. 

I was standing with two of them. I asked them simply “Why wasnt I invited though?”. They both looked at eachothers immidetly and didnt say a single thing, then the bell rang. Saved by the bell i guess. Before they could head into the classrooms. I stopped the other one, and asked again. “Why didnt I get invited?”, she looked me and she said she didnt know aswell. A word slipped out of her mouth by mistake, and it seemed that It wasnt just Monday that I wasnt invited, it was yesterday also. They couldnt have forgotten me twice? It sucks knowing that they never intended to have me in the group at all. I just looked at her for a second and walked away, she understood that I wasnt really happy about it all. 

In the break right after, I went to their classroom but they were not there. So I walked around the school looking for them, and found them in the end sitting by the canteen. I went to them, and my friend had shared with the previous birthday child about how I felt. She said “So, were you going to join us on Saturday to the pool?” she asked me in a weird tone, I didnt reply because we were thrown out at that time and continiued talking outside. 

I dont really remember the talk completely but it was something like this:

Friend: You can be a part of the group if you want. You like taking photos, so you can take pictures of us. 

Me: so, I’m only being invited to take pictures of you guys then?

Friend: Nono, thats not exacly what I meant *awkwardly looking around*

Friend: But like, we have 1 rule to be in our squad! You have to be super crazy, we always have fun like that.

Me: Oh, I wasnt invited because I’m calm?

Friend: Yeah honestly yes. 

Friend 2: *bumps into friend* *tells her to shut up*

 

After that I felt like real shit. During the whole next class I was thinking about it. I felt like crying but managed to keep it in. It made me think alot. Im not crazy, loud and extroverted like everyone else here is. Thats always been a problem, I’m so silent and calm that It has gotten me so many problems in life. I feel like hating myself for being like this. I wish i wasnt so silent. I wish i could just shout out whatever I want whenever I want. 

 

 

3 thoughts on “You’re not fun”

  1. The ability to remain calm is a precious gift! You’ll get along better in life after school than your friends will. You will get better jobs. You are more mature. If you feel calm most of the time, be thankful, darling. Read some of these journalings and see what other young women are feeling—-crazy, suicidal, depressed. You have peace. At least I hope you do. It sounds like you do. Believe me, you don’t want to be in a group that does crazy things. They will get into trouble. I’m not saying this very well I guess because I just got up and my brain is still foggy. I’m sorry. I really just want to let you know I care.

  2. savedbygrace have said it perfectly. Crazy friends get you into trouble!!! My best friend the one with which I have spend the last two years of college with is Calm… Super Calm and I love him for that and I will stick to him for the rest of my life.
    I’ll tell you my secret. How I choose friends.
    I keep a close eye on the people around me.
    I watch them closely, how they treat others.
    I watch them closely how they treat people they don’t like.
    I see how they speak.
    I see how they act.
    I see what they do in different situations.
    In the end I see how honest they are.
    This takes times. like it took me a whole semester to find 4 friends from a class of 70. After I decided on those 4 I made us all in to a group but it didn’t last not because we didn’t like each other but because of different things like one found himself a girlfriend another was having a hard time keeping up with our study scheduled but the remaining two have been stuck to each other like glue.
    I like this place, I like to write about my experience and read about others. I wish this helps you.

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