Im sitting in the classroom completely silent. The clock is everything I hear. The teacher is talking loudly as well, but I cannot hear it. Something in my mind is louder than his voice. Suddenly a thought appears in my mind “Why am I sitting here wasting time, precious time of my life?”. The thought gets deeper into my mind. Suddenly I break and flip the table over. The table falls onto the chair of the guy in front of me and makes a big noise everyone hears. Everyones eyes turns to me, the teacher looks at me aswell. I throw my chair at the teacher and he gets furious. I scream “I fucking hate this place” and he screams something back at me but I don’t pay attention. I walk up to the door and walk out and smash it as hard as i can. The door makes such a loud noise most likely the whole school can hear.
This never really happend. This is just a thought, a daydream an imagination that keeps getting to me whenever I’m sitting in class. True, i cannot hear my teacher at those times because I’m too deep inside my thoughts. This imagination has been in my mind for years now, ever since I started highschool. Is it a normal thing? Never have I done it though. Its just what my mind is showing me.
I see myself walking through the hallway next to the canteen. The canteen is were all the students hang out in the breaks. Everyone is sitting in groups, talking and having fun. I’m not having fun, im walking alone feeling so pathetic. Suddenly I feel my legs shaking and they are getting weaker. So weak I end up falling down on my knees. My whole body is shaking. Tears start flowing and I become miserable. Im sitting there, on my knees, crying so bad. Still noone notices me there even tho Im right there. I go insane of being invisible. Instantly I begin screaming as loud as I can, still crying. Peoples ears start hurting and my voice becomes thinner and thinner.
That is a new recent though I have mostly now days. Both of the imaginations are set in places I truly hate. The hallway and the classroom. What exacly does these things mean? I see them both at night and during day time. Whenever i think about it everything else becomes blurred and i cant focus on anything exept for these thoughts. What is happening?