Gone Insane

Im sitting in the classroom completely silent. The clock is everything I hear. The teacher is talking loudly as well, but I cannot hear it. Something in my mind is louder than his voice. Suddenly a thought appears in my mind “Why am I sitting here wasting time, precious time of my life?”. The thought gets deeper into my mind. Suddenly I break and flip the table over. The table falls onto the chair of the guy in front of me and makes a big noise everyone hears. Everyones eyes turns to me, the teacher looks at me aswell. I throw my chair at the teacher and he gets furious. I scream “I fucking hate this place” and he screams something back at me but I don’t pay attention. I walk up to the door and walk out and smash it as hard as i can. The door makes such a loud noise most likely the whole school can hear. 

This never really happend. This is just a thought, a daydream an imagination that keeps getting to me whenever I’m sitting in class. True, i cannot hear my teacher at those times because I’m too deep inside my thoughts. This imagination has been in my mind for years now, ever since I started highschool. Is it a normal thing? Never have I done it though. Its just what my mind is showing me. 

I see myself walking through the hallway next to the canteen. The canteen is were all the students hang out in the breaks. Everyone is sitting in groups, talking and having fun. I’m not having fun, im walking alone feeling so pathetic. Suddenly I feel my legs shaking and they are getting weaker. So weak I end up falling down on my knees. My whole body is shaking. Tears start flowing and I become miserable. Im sitting there, on my knees, crying so bad. Still noone notices me there even tho Im right there. I go insane of being invisible. Instantly I begin screaming as loud as I can, still crying. Peoples ears start hurting and my voice becomes thinner and thinner.

That is a new recent though I have mostly now days. Both of the imaginations are set in places I truly hate. The hallway and the classroom. What exacly does these things mean? I see them both at night and during day time. Whenever i think about it everything else becomes blurred and i cant focus on anything exept for these thoughts. What is happening?

One thought on “Gone Insane”

  1. I think imagining things like this is normal, I have been having this imagination of freely falling on the grass like I have nothing to care in this world but I don’t do it ’cause I know it will hurt! [This was supposed to be funny!]
    Don’t feel like that.
    Let me tell you a story that is famous in my Country
    “One a King ordered his Right Hand Man to tell him something that will make him happy if he is sad and the same thing will make me sad if I’m happy. The King then told him that if he wasn’t able to do so he would be sentenced to death. Next day the King called upon him, he came and said a single sentenced that made the king cry and then repeating the same sentenced, it made him smile again.
    The sentence was ‘Everything Shall Pass!’. It means no matter how bad things get or no matter what sadness you are going through the situation will end, it will pass, and no matter how happy or wealthy you are there will be a time when it will end. ”

    This story was translated by me so it lost most of its literary value and also it must have lost some of its effect but still.

    Why are you so shy and reserved? There must be a reason. Find it and tackle it.

    I see you use a lot of Anime Pictures! What kind of Anime do you watch? If you watch High School Anime stop NOW, STOP NOW! They ruin your life and I’m talking from experience. STOP WATCHING HIGH SCHOOL ANIME!!! Oh and also NO HIGH SCHOOL MANGA.

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