When I tell people I have given up drinking they ask “how long for”
When I inform them that it’s forever they look at me in disbelief some people even looked shocked verging on disgusted.
I havent told many people that I have been attending AA meetings but the ones I have seemed confused, “your not an alcoholic” they remarked.
They don’t understand the word alcoholism and for years I did not either. We all picture an alcoholic as scruffy 24 hour drinkers who live and breath alcohol.
For most of my drinking life I would only drink 1-3 times a week but when I drank I would drink myself into blackouts. I would get myself into states where I had no control over what I said or did. I would wake up in the morning and have very little recollection of what I got up to whilst intoxicated.
There were countless times when I put myself and others at risk, I lost phones, purses, shoes. Almost set houses on fire, and woke up with strange men in my bed.
Over the past year and a half my drinking habits worsened, and I became more and more dependent on alcohol. Alcohol became my best friend, it didn’t matter who I was with or whether I was alone… as long as I had alcohol I felt secure.
Alcohol soothed feelings of loneliness, killed my boredom and made me feel as though I could do things I usually couldn’t.
I stopped exercising and paying attention to my diet, and loved the freedom on not worrying about my weight. For years I had always been health and weight conscious and now loved the freedom of not caring.
Its only these past two weeks I’ve came to realise that alcohol was no friend. Alcohol was nothing but poison, if I continued to drink alcohol would steal my mental health as well as all my money.
Alcohol has prevented me from understanding myself. Masking my feelings and thoughts has not been healthy, for my own sanity I need to be able to learn to express myself. I need to learn how to manage my own emotions without using alcohol as an escape.
If I am to achieve a good life I need to be free of alcohol.