I’m a liar

I’m a liar.  I lie about almost everything to everyone.  It’s become second nature to me to lie.  I’ve heard once you tell one lie you need to tell 20 more just to cover that one up.  It’s a vicious cycle.  I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t seem to stop.  Call it an addiction, habit, phase, whatever…it doesn’t matter because I still do it.  I’ve been doing some very bad things since 3 or 4 months ago.  I’ve been cheating and stealing.  I want to stop, I really do.  Or maybe I don’t.  Maybe I’m lying to myself now.  I have so many thoughts going on in my head that I can’t even sit still.  I’ve stopped watching my favorite tv shows which used to bring me pleasure and I can’t even sit still through a whole movie like I used to.  I’m not sure what I can do to fix this…I am scheduled to see a counselor soon so maybe that will help.  Somehow I got into this cycle and I’m not sure why.  Maybe I’m just unhappy but I don’t feel that way.  I feel more restless if anything.  Anyways…in other news…work has been horrible.  It’s been so busy and I’m unmotivated to do anything.  Everyone is burnt out and some are even getting sick or calling in sick.  That actually plays to my advantage because I plan on calling in sick tomorrow.  I’m going over to the boyfriends tonight because I haven’t seen him all week and from there I’m going to a holiday party with Conor tomorrow.  I actually like Conor.  I’m a little worried I’m getting feelings for him because I am in a relationship and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.  But someone eventually is.  I’m just not being a good person right now and I know karma is going to kick me in the ass very soon.  I am excited about tomorrow though.  I hope I get to have a little fun before all this crap comes crashing down again. 

One thought on “I’m a liar”

  1. I’m commenting to let you know that someone is reading this and wishing you well. I don’t have the right words but I do hope you get whatever you may need. Love, peace & happiness.

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