Journal Day 46 – Normal day in the rest of my life

Day 46 already? I can’t believe I didn’t keep a schedule today. I just found my day so confusing, there were so many tasks to do, so many things to keep track of that I felt lost in it all. It’s best to create and keep a schedule when you have so many tasks and things to do, but at the same time that’s also when it’s the hardest to write one.

So I started off this morning by waking up at around 7 AM. I got up from my bed and turned on the computer, grabbing my glasses so I could see what was on the screen. Obs had sent me an email last night asking for more details on an idea I sent her and I replied to her email enthusiastically. I also wrote that we should be writing more about each other transparently in our journals. Not only is it exciting to read about yourself in relation to another person, but I also believe it’s helpful for both of us in understanding more about the other. After sending the email, I smiled and went back to sleep. I wouldn’t wake up again for another hour or two.

The first thing I did after waking up a second time was drive over to Wal-Mart to get another greeting card for Person’s Name who was leaving the company. It was going to be her last day tomorrow and I wanted her to leave without any bad memories. After she announced she was leaving to the team, which was Monday last week, I was able to talk to her a few times in which she talked openly about her reasons for leaving. A lot of those reasons I was able to relate to, which is why I didn’t want her to leave with a bad impression.

I walked over to the Hallmark greeting cards section of the store and started browsing. I was looking for a card that had enough space that could fit the farewell messages and signatures of around 70 people. After looking through and opening up a few different cards, I noticed that none of them were big enough or had enough space. I walked to the arts and crafts section which was nearby, thinking that maybe a large poster paper would have worked, nope. I just walked back and forth between the arts aisles looking for something that would work.

Eventually I made my way back to the greeting card section of the store, and I figured I would just buy multiple cards. Looking at the price on the back of each card, most of them were in the $3.50 to $4.50 range, which I thought was way too expensive. I thought it would be okay to buy a few though because after all it was her last day tomorrow. I walked through the different greeting card aisles trying to pick the right one, when I noticed this small section on the corner of one of the isles that had this big “Value” sign sticking out. I wonder why I never saw it before. Each card here was $.97 each, which was great. I put the expensive cards back, and I picked out three $.97 cards and purchased them.

When I arrived at work, I got in later than everyone else on the team. Usually I’d get in later than everyone except one person who always comes late. It wasn’t a good sign that I came in later than this person, but I had an excuse, I went out shopping for cards for Person’s Name. So I went on Slack and posted in chat saying I had these cards ready. I was planning on emailing everyone in the company to come and sign, but it wasn’t publicly announced that Person’s Name was leaving yet. Tomorrow was her last day and still the only people who officially received the news was our team.

I asked the person in charge of our team why he hadn’t announced it yet. He replied saying it was going to be announced at this company-wide event later today called an all-hands. I thought that was a bit late, because her last day was tomorrow and not everyone would have enough time to know she’d be gone, but I said alright. I told the people in the group that I’d wait until it was announced before sending out a mass email.

The rest of the day just flew by. Like I started off in the first paragraph, I was confused throughout the day because of how many things I was tasked to do. First, I’m transitioning to a new position which should hopefully be complete by next month. Second, in this transition phase I’m required to do a lot of paperwork including writing a manual to describe how to do the current job I do, which takes a while. I posted the third reason I was confused in a private entry, it is work related and I didn’t want to just announce it.

So I sat at my computer doing things. Around 1 PM I got up and took an elevator to the 10th floor. I like using the bathrooms of other floors so I can go in there and not encounter anyone I knew. In the bathroom I found the toilet of favorite stall clogged, and I didn’t want to use the other stall. So I left and took the elevator again, this time to the bottom floor so I could go to the gym.

At the gym I used the treadmill for a few minutes, I just wanted to walk for a while to get some exercise in. I could have also just walked outside and gone to a nearby park, but I wanted some solitude. After walking for a while, I lied down on a yoga mat and just closed my eyes resting, I grabbed another yoga mat to cover me like a blanket before closing my eyes again. A few million thoughts went through my mind.

Before I knew it, it was almost time for the all-hands. I got up and put the yoga mats back where they belonged, and took the elevator back up to my working floor. There was a few minutes left before the all-hands would take place, so I went to the smaller kitchen to grab some gum, and I went to the quiet room to lie down for a bit more. After feeling refreshed, I went over to my desk with a few minutes to spare. Shortly after I sat down, crowds started walking by me, it was all-hands time.

The first thing we did was take a group picture. There were around 70 of us and we all gathered. This is the largest company photo to date. I didn’t know until during the all-hands event, but one other person besides Person’s Name was also leaving the company.

During an all-hands event, you grab a seat somewhere and watch the presenters, usually the CEO and other high ranking people, present company news. I grabbed a seat close to the front and I was flattered when Person and Person, both women sat next to either side of me considering how disproportionate the gender balance was. We all knew each other obviously but we didn’t talk that much.

Both of them stood up to get some food; there were fruits, vegetables, and chicken available, but I wasn’t hungry for any. When they sat down, they ended up sitting next to me again. One of them, Person, had this plate of fruits and kept asking me if I wanted some because she wasn’t able to finish it all. We talked for a bit about I don’t remember, but she’d ask me frequently if I wanted more fruit, so I ended up grabbing something from her plate every time she’d ask.

During the all-hands, work news was announced, and announced as well were the two people who were leaving. I was shocked because I only knew that Person’s Name was leaving, I didn’t know that Person’s name was also leaving. After the all-hands, we had a few minutes of break before another mini all-hands event took place. I can’t really go into detail about anything that was announced.

Afterwards though, I sent everyone an email except for Person’s Name, saying that they should sign these greeting cards we bought when they had the chance because it would be her last day tomorrow. I had to add around 70 people manually to the “To:“ box when you send an email, and it took a long time. After sending out the email, I kept getting an “Error, could not send to Person’s_Name@CompanyName.com,” not Person’s Name that was leaving tomorrow, a different Person’s Name who was here yesterday.

Uhh. That was weird. I tried sending the email to Person’s Name again. Same error. I was confused. I went on Slack so I could just message it to her to sign the cards at the front desk, but her name didn’t come up in any searches. What? I went to a public channel that I remember her making a post in yesterday, and… There we go, Person’s Name right there in the channel, her latest message appearing. Her latest message was directed to me actually.

I clicked on her username with the intent to send a message. A small profile box appeared where the usual “Send Message” button would be for any other person, but for Person’s Name it had no buttons, just a message that read: “This account has been deactivated.” WHAT? Here she was, Person’s Name who was here talking to me in a public channel yesterday, smiling from ear to ear in her black and white photo, and in gray text: “This account has been deactivated.” Terrifying.

I asked around about what happened since this wasn’t announced at the all-hands today. I knew two people would be gone, but three? One person knew the answer, he said he’s known for a while this was going to happen. He said she was fired, and firings aren’t announced. She was a single mother of two, and I think we got along well, she was easy to talk to. The only thing I can do now in memory of her is click on her profile inside of that public chat channel, look at her enlarged black-and-white smiling profile picture, and read in gray text the words: “This account has been deactivated.” It’s almost as if someone had passed away. I feel that way every time somebody comes and goes.

I went down the elevator thinking a lot of different thoughts. I still felt that my life was unfulfilled. I walked out of the building to be greeted by the cold. It was cold. I got into my car and picked up my mom. The drive home was normal and uneventful.

Upon arriving at home though, I was greeted by two packages. I knew exactly what they were. One of the packages was a large box, I knew that was a new laptop I ordered, a Lenovo X230T. It was a small 12” computer I bought back in 2012 for college, but I returned it when I realized it was way too small for me for doing all my computer work in. Now in 2016, that awesome computer had a reserved spot in my mind, and I ordered another one as a secondary computer. The other package I knew was a Klipsch X11 pair of earphones, I already have a Klipsch X10 that work fine, so I didn’t need to buy the new ones or open these, but I got these X11’s on sale for 78% off, I contemplated buying 5 just to resell.

Anyway, I played with these for a while and I showed them off to my mom who was forced to be impressed because I kept showing off these different features about them. My dad called asking if we wanted anything from the store, I said I wanted a Six Layer dip from Costco and I’d pay. He brought that home, and I think I ate way too much today. I feel so fat right now, this sucks.

I planned on walking for hours on end, but it’s 10 PM now and I have to wake up early tomorrow at 7 AM. I can still probably walk but I’d have to make it quick. I need to walk for my health because I ate too much food throughout the day. With that, I create this post in haste because I don’t have much time left to be able to get a full night’s rest.

megg-gawat-day-46-selfie
Selfie for the day

One thought on “Journal Day 46 – Normal day in the rest of my life”

  1. Every time we lost an employee at my former place of employment, much like you, I felt the loss. We spend up to 8 hours a day with our co-workers (whether we like them or not) and most of them we befriend and rely on while we progress through our work day. When a change occurs, such as one leaving, it’s kind of horrifying because deep down you figure you’ll probably never see that person again and however minor your interaction, you just know that things have now changed. The new faces come in the fill the void of their position and it’s back to readjustment of the new personality joining the team. We have to gauge the new person and hope that they blend in perfectly with the team. Thankfully college has been a steady flow where we haven’t lost a single student yet (I really thought this one girl was going to quit but many of us encouraged her to stick it out.) Who knows what employment will look like in medicine, loss I am afraid will come on either end – both patients and co-workers.

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