Where to start… Where to start.. When did this begin and when does it all end? I feel like a mess… I’m trapped inside of a body I don’t want to be in. I feel like a freak. My mental state has to mirror my physical body as well, as if it wasn’t already bad enough. I’m only 22 years old and I am graying in my beard. It came in that way, when I was 17.. Shortly after I about lost my mind. I don’t really want to talk about it. It gives me shivers. I lost touch with reality, everything I’d believed in had been questioned, and it manifested into a surreal event I cannot even decipher to this day. If this sounds confusing, well it is.. I’m on the fence about everything. I can’t make up my damn mind… I’m a pure agnostic as far as I can tell. Heaven and hell seem unfathomable, like a dream reality. I don’t even know if I even believe in reality anymore… Am I even real? I’ve lost my mind more than once it seems, and it’s like something comes over me and it’s not really… me. It’s someone else. I’m not myself when that happens.. When it did happen.. I seem to have recovered now. It’s like nothing is real.. I’m rambling again and it’s a never ending spiral of thoughts I’m entrapped in and it’s going nowhere………. blah.