This is an entry I wish that I could skip or pretend that it doesn’t exist. I wish I could supplement how the day went in a different reality. The truth of it stings.
It is 9:51 pm at night. The chill of winter permeates the night keeping me cold to the bone. I’m sitting on my bed and the heat is roasting through the house. Snoochie is being driven across the state to an inpatient mental facility. My 11 year old baby is being locked up in pysche ward. I feel like a failure.
It started like a normal day. Paid the car note and the insurance. Went out for a quick lunch with The Man. We went to the store and bought a new entertainment center (plus hats, gloves, and a new movie for the kids).
We arrived home and promptly started assembling the new furniture. Half way through our project we realized that one of the support beams had been badly damaged meaning the stand wouldn’t be able to sit flat on the floor. I called the store to ask about their exchange policy. Talk about a head ache.
Right after The Man finished loading the defective stand and all of its parts back into the car the middle school called. Snoochie in trouble.
I won’t get into the nasty details because well, it’s personal to Snoochie and it isn’t my business to air this all out in the open. She can if she wants, but that’s up to her. So without getting into it she was given a 2 day suspension from school. That is a BIG deal. The school also suggested we take her to the ER to get her mental health checked out. We did because we are very concerned by the behavior she displays (she does not act like this at home). It was there at the ER Snoochie opened up, answered some questions, and now pysche hold.
The thing about it is… a part of me thinks Snoochie is doing this for attention. Recently her friend was sent away because of her mental health stuff and I can’t help but think maybe Snoochie is following suit?!? If that is the case I hope that she sees how serious this is to every one involved. If this is truly a cry for help and she has just never voiced these things to me or The Man before… well then… I have totally failed her. Because she did not talk to me about it for whatever reason. I hope this experience opens the door for her so she can get the help she clearly needs.
When she comes back home we will put her in counseling and I will try harder to show her that she can trust me with her feelings. I will not mock them and I will take them seriously.
Tonight though… I’m just sort of crushed.