Why do I like him?!

I don’t want to. It’s annoying af and time consuming. Don’t think this is some lust filled passage about how him 🙄. No. I’m really confused right now. I don’t want to like him, crushes… Crushes are annoying. And messy and complicated and painful, and nothing ever comes out of them. I just want to be with him, you know? Like talk to him, and hug him and run my hands through his hair. Maybe I just need a boyfriend full stop, you know, someone to have and to hold.

Friends started shipping us together the other day, I mean I denied it, but… Ugh, everything’s going to be awkward now. Heart, get a grip, you seem to fall for anyone. Can you stop doing that thing where you beat when I see him. Please. I’m so weak when it comes to stuff like this. I’ll be fine and dandy. Then they’ll do something and boom, crush. And I’ll just think no. Oh, oh no. I think it’s because… Well he had faith in me, just a little thing, but t meant a lot and I’m stupid emotional so I had to blink back tears. I don’t want to get close to him, though. Oh, fuck it. I need to focus on my grades and wipe him from my mind. He’s just a distraction; but I have to admit, I’ll do anything to talk to him. Be near him. Urghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! 😫😫😫. Advice??

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