I look out to my patients and say “journaling is an outlet. You can get everything you feel, think, create whatever you want in this book or internet outlet.” So I might as well take my own advice. This is what I choose to do because to be honest I am pissed off… And for a long time. I don’t know if it was after Steve Irwin died or my grandparents or my best friend or when I met people who just seem beyond help. This is going to be my record of my crazy, drama filled 20s life. Because why? I need to start taking my own advice before I end up being where my patients are.
So back story… When I was younger I was happy… Only child white picket fence the works. Then my first major loss what Steve Irwin… I mean when your 7 everyone’s your soul mate and he was mine. Couldn’t even go to school and that was the first time i realized life has sucky moments. Well then that one moment turned into years. my dads mother was next to leave and then when I finally begin to heal a quick 2 1/2 years I loose my other grandparents and my best friend since I was born… Seriously I have picture of us as newborns. So then that was all great and I end up going through this before my 16th birthday. Go me am I right?
More back story … I meet the man of my dreams tall dark handsome everything you could ask for as a seventeen year old girl whose never had a boyfriend. We have great times telling me what to wear, ignoring my phone calls to hangout with his ex girlfriend… When I leave for college I am blessed with the opprutunity to have him live there basically and he didn’t even go there ….! That was great up and downs in the relationship exspecially when I would mess up … Man that was the best … Let’s all just use our imaginations … Now times it by 10.
So then I return from college and leave him for the real man of my dreams. The true story of bad boy meets good girl and becomes a true man. He is handsome, amazing, kind and just a beautiful soul. Now you would think since I was lucky enough to marry this man I would be able to forget the past and move on and just feel blessed about my life. But no because 2 weeks after my wedding I loose my uncle the strongest man I have ever known. At this time I am 22 years old.
Being raised as a Catholic, we are told to believe that God is good, Jesus died for our sins all that stuff. I went to CCD, church every Sunday, confession and what happened? I get told by my priest that I am the titanic and I’m going to sink because of my anger… I was 14 years old .. Doing confession … So let’s just say that was a huge turn off but I didn’t give up until I lost my best friend. She was 15 years old like what the hell.
Now my husband has lost so many people just like me which is why we bond so tight. But he has the truest heart of forgiveness. I am hoping by writing my story I gain more forgiveness in my heart to finally let God back into my life. If you choose to follow this let me remind that I ramble and I am a scatter brain. If you could already tell, I reminisce to the past and talk about the future and may write a lot.
I know what I have been through is no great tradegy I still have my parents my health and a loving husband. I am still aware of how lucky I am but this is my judgement free zone and no ones pain is greater than someone else’s. I only invite positive vibes because that’s what I need to gain.
Tasha out 😘