Journal Day 50 – My Responsibilities at Work, and Texting Obs

I woke up fully refreshed this morning even though last night I fell asleep while writing my entry. Actually that’s not the full truth, I was starting to doze off while writing the entry so I made sure to brush my teeth, take off my contacts, and turn off all the lights before passing out. It was around 3 AM.

It was 9:30 AM when I woke up this morning. I always force myself to get up from bed because I close all the window curtains so absolutely no light gets into my room. That made it hard to tell what time it was. I also don’t have any clocks in my room and I can’t see much without any contact lenses or glasses, so I always have to stand up and walk into the kitchen to tell what time it was.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I looked in the mirror after putting my contacts on, I think I appeared a little thinner despite having eaten so much food and not having exercised at all last week – strange. My skin and face also glowed vibrantly and I felt great, selfie at the bottom. It’s very rare I wake up with energy and a positive mood in the morning, I’m usually groggy waking up especially since it was a Monday.

Anyway, I am at work now and the day is as normal and uneventful as ever. There’s lots of things I’m responsible for doing. I’m not content with it. I feel so disorganized because my skillset and abilities are all over the place. I have to do technical work such as programming and designing, I have to offer team leadership to projects we’re working on, I have to write documents and manuals, I have to communicate with users and offer them technical support, and I also have to give quotes for work and close deals with clients which also involves a bit of accounting. It’s really all over the place, and I have to fulfill these responsibilities on a daily basis.

As I look around the room I realize that I actually have more duties expanding a wider range than most people here. For example there’s a team specifically of developers, and that’s all they do, they just work with code. I realize they don’t have to do anything else. They have never spoken with a client, they have never dealt with accounting numbers and, they have never had to worry much about writing. They never felt the pressures of having to tell a client a project will cost X money and work on closing it.

I think that’s why the company is now offering me the position of Solutions Engineer. Looking up the description of what they’re required to do, I think that’s the role I’ve been fulfilling for more than a year already despite my title not being so. Anyway, I have no complaints, since I don’t even have a degree. I get to come to work and leave work anytime I want, I get free food, free private gym membership, and it’s a nice office environment without much stress.

Throughout most of the day today, I’ve come up with different topic ideas to talk about with Obs and different activities we could do together. I would start off by typing up a text message, but I would feel like it was too early to text her. I would start typing up an email to send her, but then I would feel like it’s a topic an email isn’t necessary for. So I’d wait. This happened throughout most of the day today.

Anyway, 3:32 PM now and I’m done waiting. I just sent her a text message that I’ve been wanting to send since this morning. I had written the text message this morning, before I even arrived at work, after rereading our conversation from last night which ended in a cliffhanger. I always feel a little bit of doubt after sending personal and truthful messages about how I felt. Like “oh maybe I shouldn’t have sent that,” but at the same time I feel like I can trust her to receive it well, because messages like the one I sent are for the benefit of both of us.

And she did. She replied moments later in a positive tone. What I like is that we’re both generally free to send each other our thoughts and ideas about any topic even if it’s very personal. It’s a very unique and powerful friendship that Obs and I share, I hope that neither one of us takes the other for granted.

I’m home now and I have a lot of homework and other work related things to work on, so I’m going to just cut it short today. These are the things I’m planning on working on tonight, after that I plan on sleeping, so there probably won’t be any surprises:

  • CS 1101 Homework
  • Untitled First Book (with Obs) skeleton draft
  • Outline for requirements (work related)

Thanks again to Butterfly of Scorpion for offering to support Obs’ and I’s first book together!

Selfie for the day

One thought on “Journal Day 50 – My Responsibilities at Work, and Texting Obs”

  1. I’m glad you feel that way as well, since I also think “oh maybe I shouldn’t have sent that” sometimes, but you’d receive it well too. 🙂 I hope that we can continue to be comfortable saying what we’re thinking

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