Day 4: All the help I can give

December 15, 2016

Helping family … It’s a given you have to do it even when you don’t want to. That’s what you are supposed to do so today I went and did that. It helped me to, it made me get out of bed at 7:30 am and not go back to bed until after work which is amazing since I usually don’t leave my bed until 2pm. 

Addiction another things that strikes my family on both sides mother, father, in laws everyone. This disease (yes I said disease if you don’t believe me check the DSM) has taken over and controlled a good chunk of my family which is why helping feels so hard some times. Yes you have gone through hardship but most of this is because of your lack of insight and life choices due to this disease … So what can I do? I can continue to help and try to give you insight that you certainly lack, I can be your shoulder to cry one when you relapse and the audience you need when you succeed. But on the family member .. The sober one … Aka me it’s so hard to watch these cycles.

Peoples ignorance astonishes me because when people see “junkies” or “pill heads” they say… Well they choose to be that way. Ok I’m asking the public who would choose to loose there job, house, relationships, etc? Nobody who isn’t sick and it’s amazing to me how people can’t understand addiction is not a choice. Now the choices they make do have consequences just like anyone else but to say someone with an addiction has full control of there life baffles me. But this little ramble is not the point of my thoughts.  

I helped family and will be doing so tomorrow and all I want is the best for them, to be well and get on their feet. I want them to be safe, well fed and cared for. But I can not do this for them as I am a 23 year old who has yet to win the lottery. (Don’t you worry my time will come sooner or later) I just feel helpless sometimes. 

I refuse to give money but I can give my patience, time, love and education to them for free? I feel like this is what I have to offer and yet it still doesn’t add up to shelter or money. All I can hope for as the winters get cold everything works out.

Tasha out😘

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