Wednesday December 14th

Feeling really sad today. I am missing my husband so much. I was hoping the plans for the job interviews and the move would keep my mind busy enough to not get sad. He came over here today to help me hang a handrail on my stairs. Of course, he brought Noah, the buffer. He is afraid to be alone with me. I don’t know if he thinks I’m going to attack him or what. I think I just broke him too badly for him to ever deal with me again. He’s afraid to open that door. That is the only answer that makes sense. I have to try to put this all behind me. I may have a chance at happiness in New York. I cannot be happy here. Too many memories. I need to start somewhere new where every place I go doesn’t trigger a memory of him or my children growing up. Living here is agonizing. I am a least going to give this idea about living somewhere new a try before I give up altogether. I am at the end of the road. I don’t feel like I have any other option but to leave. 

2016 has been the worst year of my life. I have thought more about killing myself than I ever have. 

2 thoughts on “Wednesday December 14th”

  1. I hope the move helps you out and I’m sure things will get better..even though I’m sure that sounds cliche. Like your username says, just keep swimming, girl. The best of luck to you. Be strong.

  2. CoffeeLover said it well. Just take a day at a time, and hold on to your faith. Don’t let the devil trick you into hurting yourself. Suicide does not put an end to the pain. Seek God first, give Him a chance. Okay? I will be praying for you.

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