First off, I would like to take a moment to personally thank my GNJ readers & friends for all of the support they have shown me during all the recent events that have been going on. Your kind words and encouragement truly lift my heart and put a smile on my face. I really appriciate you taking the time to do so. It means a lot to me, more than maybe you will ever know.
We are trying to find a new level of normal in my household. Snoochie seems to be doing good. I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about Major Depressive Disorder (with psychotic features) so that I can better understand what she is going through and learn how I can be a part of the support team she will need.
Can I put myself in her place? Can I imagine myself as an 11, looking forward to my upcoming teenage years, making friends, being interested with in boys, and finding out that I suffer not only from depression, but that I hallucinate on top of that? At an age where we worry so much about the judgement of our peers – how will they see me? Will I be able to graduate high school? Can I hold down a job? What happens if some how my medication stops working? I feel that this is too much for an 11 year old to handle, but Snoochie is accepts the lot that has just been thrust upon her.
These past few days I have found myself questioning whether or not to quit my job. The extra income helps us enjoy our life without financial stress. I know when all the hospital bills come in my pay checks will help us make ends meet. Is it worth it though? A part of me wants to quit so Snoochie has her mom available to her 24 / 7. It would give me a chance to work with Snoochie and tackle this beast. We may not win the war, but we can win most of the battles. She needs me so much, even if she doesn’t say it.
I would never wish this upon anyone, but in trying to find the silver lining on this very dark cloud, I will say that this has brought her and me closer together. I cherish every moment spent with her.