Love. Since infancy we are feed stories, fairytales all built on the foundation of this so called love. But what is it really? I believe love is a gift for the divine, only the Gods can obtain it and know its true meaning. We as humans have it too but fuck it up and use the excuse, “to error is human”. Up until now i believed in love. True love, the kind that there is one soulmate they are meant and made for you and you alone and nothing can part it because its so powerful, but the evidence that it doesn’t exist is all around.
Today i sat and tried to think of people who have found love and kept it, and the only people i could come up with live in books, films and in my naive little mind. The reality is we have it but can’t hold onto it. I see relationships all around me falling apart, all because we get bored or greedy.
The epiphany occurred last night, finally after a long week of worrying about my brother having surgery we were finally going to get to relax, everything had turned out fine, well not exactly, they found so small veins in his throat that could pop and lead to some intense bleeding but they found it and fixed it, and that was the worst of it, aside from the usual inflammation to the bowels and liver but it wasn’t cancer, which is what we were expecting. Finally the day had come were we were going to let it all sit and simmer away with our thoughts but that was not to be. We were soaring as high as kites or birds, even better stars. Burning through space were we oblivious the worlds around us, suddenly i hear a small noise coming from the floor, when i held it in my hand the vibrations drew me back, it was my mum calling. She had left her phone when she dropped me off so i thought she was calling simply to remind me to put it in my bag to bring it home the next day but then she proceeded to tell me that she was fuming with anger, my face immediately changed when she told me my dad was talking with another woman, an ex and an old flame to be exact. Then she ended up the conversation quickly and said she was going to bed. In that moment my world broke, I’m not sure if it was because of the amount of weed in my system but i felt nothing. All i kept thinking was nothing is certain, we aren’t even sure if he is cheating or flirting, all the worst case scenarios came rushing in one by one i say them play out in my mind and then i saw myself as my mum, so naive and innocent to the truths of this world. Thank god i received a second phone call and i tried to clear up the smoke number one i needed to know if he had done anything with her, so asked where she lived and thank God she lived in another country after hearing this everything went from 100 to 0 but even then i couldn’t help the reality that set into my mind. Monogamy is a myth. I bet you soon enough one of them will cheat on the other or it will crumble apart all i keep thinking is, what would have happened if he hadn’t gotten caught, last time my dad went back to his country he met up with her, what would have happened this time?
This is my worst fear and its coming to life.
Whats worse is that i have no one to talk to about it, how i really feel, because if i do, they’ll never look at my mum and dad the same, he might i have just talked but there was potential for more. And i don’t want people to see how my world crumbles right in front of my eyes.