dec 19

I just love him so much my heart is ready to burst. He makes me want to be a funnier person, a more confident person, a more chill person. He is all of those things and more. And so cute, not super good looking but that smile, thinking about it makes me fhsdwlkelwkekkfjhhflkjalskjdls. He’s good looking to me. 

I just want to BE with him: I want to be lying on a sofa with him, all cuddled up under a blanket, enveloped by his warmth. i want to lie on his chest, and him stroke my hair, stroke my shoulders, stroke my body. i want to kiss those lips of his, i want to him to kiss my lips; i want him to kiss me so deeply that we feel like we’re the only ones in the whole world. i want him to hold my body and want nothing else of the world around me. i want to hug him, i want him to hug me so tightly that i’d feel so safe, so secure, so needless of anyone or anything else. 

i know we’re right for each other, i know we could have a long life happy together. i know we get each other, we can make fun of each other; oh he makes me laugh so much. i know we’re on the same wavelength on so many aspects of life, i know it could work out. but we’re only 20. how long do i have to wait? how do i know that hes even remotely feeling an inch of what im feeling? i pray to god everyday that he’s feeling the same way on any, even small, level. i pray to god so hard that we’re meant for each other. i pray to god to help me hide my excitement every time he walks into a room, or every time he sends me a message. truly, i am wondering whether he begs god for the strength to cope with not being with me, the way i am begging god for the guidance to deal with not being with him. i pray to god to give me the courage to let him go, even though he isn’t mine, to let him just be a friend, maybe it’ll make this all easier. but every time i think ive accomplished that, i fall into the rabbit hole again. i love him. with all my heart and ounce of my soul. i cry out to god, i cry out to god asking, begging, pleading him we’re meant to be for each other. i am wondering, hoping, wishing that he does too. 


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