Monday December 19th

Today is the first day of our winter break. I saw Lisa this morning. I wasn’t having bad anxiety then like I am now, though. I am so lonely. What is so repulsive about me? 

I leave for New York tomorrow. I will have that to keep my mind busy for the next few days. I got my nails done today, I mailed 7 eBay packages today, I bought name tags and sharpies for the kids in the classes I’m teaching and I bought them UK pencils. No one mentioned giving the kids a present after a demo lesson, but I’m going to. I feel like at least one of these 3 schools will offer me a job. I don’t know what they will offer me salary-wise. If they don’t offer me at least 92K, I will not take it. I am going to hold out for NYC DOE job. 

It would probably be easiest for me to wait until next year to start teaching up there. I want to get my face fixed, and if I finish the year here, I would have a longer summer- we will get out in may, and they don’t get out until the end of June. The idea of staying here 5 more months really sucks. I am so so lonely. I just want another human being to hug me. I wish Brent would just give me a chance. I am so frustrated. 

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