Bipolar disorder

bipolar disorder 2
thats what there saying it is
i think its scary
and i refused to believe it for a while but that only made it worse,
my manic depression episodes have been occuring more frequently
and they have been lasting longer
it feels like the days have been getting longer
and the only way to make time pass is to sleep.
but the problem with sleeping is when you wake everythings still here, just how you left it.
when im sad im as low as i can get but when im happy im on top of the world
i guess thats what bothers me, theres no inbetween
just up and down
its been hard, i havent said it out loud yet
“i have bipolar disorder type 2”
just typing it makes me shake
i dont want to believe it
im not crazy
im not sick

2 thoughts on “Bipolar disorder”

  1. Cely, many people have bipolar II. It’s exactly what you described. High highs and low lows and sometimes very little anything in between. Are you taking medication for it? That can help a lot. Don’t be afraid. You will get along just fine. Do you know the 23rd Psalm? It would be good for you to learn it.

    The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
    He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
    He leadeth me beside the still waters,
    He restoreth my soul.
    He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for His Name’s sake.
    Yea, though I walk through the valley of
    the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:
    thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
    You prepare a meal for me in the presence
    of mine enemies. You anoint my head with oil.
    My cup runneth over.
    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the
    days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of
    the Lord Forever. Amen.
    I hope I got that right and everything in place, I tried to write it from memory because I am very tired tonight. If I got anything wrong, I apologize. The last sentence is very good to use as a mantra. An affirmation. This illness does not come as a surprise to God. He will walk you through it and stabilize you. Trust Him to take care of you and your moods. He loves you so. Bless you.

  2. I do not have Bipolar I or I I but I do have complex posttraumatic stress disorder. When first diagnosed, I didn’t accept it and refused to believe that there was a name for my personality issues such as disassociation, extreme anger, trigger depression, hypervigilance. Over time I discovered that by not only accepting it, but taking positive steps to live with it, that everything began to make sense and also that I wasn’t alone. I can’t imagine what it is like what you are going through anymore than you can with me but I think when you’re ready, you will find that there are ways to live contently within yourself.

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