Journal Day 60 – Who wrote these journal entries?

60 days already? I’ve been doing practically the same exact thing for 60 days now and not much has changed, which is expected. I’m not expecting a lot of change since I’m intentionally going slow, I’m expecting slow change over time which I can actually handle. These slow 60 days have been pretty life changing so far.

Hmm. Looking back on my entry from Day 1, I now know every single event that would happen from Day 1 through Day 60. Looking ahead from Day 60 through Day 120, I have no idea what will happen from today until then. It feels like a really long time too. 60 Days? Any number of things could happen from now until then.

I know in the future, I’ll look back on Day 120 to Day 60 and think about how quickly that time went. Time goes by quickly and I never want to waste a second, but often times I do. Seconds are wasted and those seconds can add up to a lifetime.

In all honesty though, anything we do now might not ultimately matter in the end. The end on a personal level meaning when we die, the ultimate end meaning the end of all life in the universe. The event of all life in the universe ending is not foreseeable just like I can’t see Day 61 through Day 120 occurring, but those days will occur, and all life in the universe will eventually end.

No matter how powerful anyone becomes, no matter what kind of legacy they create while they’re alive, no matter what legends they created of themselves, what great things they’ve done, the resources they’ve accumulated, and everything else, it all doesn’t matter because when that individual dies, it all goes away.

Let’s say I die. Up until my death, I know for a fact that I, Megg Gawat, wrote these entries. Up until the second that I die, I know from my own life that I existed, that I created, that I felt and experienced. One second after my passing, I cease to exist, and I cease to exist until the end of time. Therefore, who wrote these journal entries? Megg Gawat. But who is that? I just died and ceased to exist, there is now no conscious evidence of who I am. I don’t know or care about what accomplishments I’ve done in my life because I have no memory of it all.

I’m looking at life from a death perspective, from my deathbed looking back to Day 60, I know all the events that will occur. Once I’m dead, I know nothing of ever having been myself and no one else can claim to be me. So again I ask, who wrote these journal entries? I’m not satisfied with “Cogito, ergo sum,” because the person who said that statement doesn’t exist anymore and he can never prove that he ever existed. Once I’m dead, I cannot prove that I ever existed. No one can definitively say that we exist because upon our deaths, we cease to exist and we cannot prove having ever existed. We only exist for the limited time that we are here.

What happened at work today? If I were being honest, it was a very relaxed work day. I woke up early this morning and went to work early too because I felt charged. At work I just worked on the basic things that I needed to work on. It wasn’t hard or difficult at all considering I’m at a master skill level of what I do.

Obs and I texted while I was at work too. She didn’t update her journal entry today so I don’t know what happened from her perspective. But I had a good time talking to her like always, I was at my desk in front of the computer texting, she was probably lying in bed resting due to her illness. We talked about future projects we would do together after we finished our first book like games and YouTube videos. Again, I had a really good time talking to her because I felt supported and validated.

Work was mostly a chill day with a lot of people not actually even doing any work at all. Some people were playing video games, two people in my team didn’t show up at all, people were walking around and talking and having fun. I worked on my homework assignment for my CS 1101 class and finished everything.

Everything in that class is basically easy, I already know about most of what it teaches. Today though I learned about map, filter, reduce, and lambda functions. Partially from what the class taught, but mainly from own research looking up what they do. I’ve seen people using in source code before, but I just had no idea how to use it or what they meant, but I do now, which is awesome.

Afterwards I went home, and did absolutely nothing for 5 hours? Holy crap. I did absolutely nothing here. The time just flew by, I didn’t even notice a second passing, and it’s time to go to sleep already.

To Obs: When you texted me tonight that you wouldn’t be writing an entry again because of feeling sick, I should’ve stopped you and advised you to write what you could. You don’t get these days back and it gets harder to remember past events the more days that accumulate. Don’t waste a second.


Selfie for the day

2 thoughts on “Journal Day 60 – Who wrote these journal entries?”

  1. Megawatt, my theology is different from yours. I like mine better! (smile) People who have devoted their life to Jesus Christ (even at the last minute) will have a place to go at death—-heaven. You will know yourself and your friends, and the beautiful Lord. I hope you will consider this. I know you are super analytical and it is hard for you to have faith in anything unseen. It is God who created your brilliant mind and supplies your exuberant energy. He is not a myth. He’s more real than your earthly parents, and loves you more than anyone else can. Get to know Him. Talk to Him. See what happens. Love to you this Christmas tide. – Grace

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