I do not care much of others thoughs about me. I know very well that I am special in my own way and that I should be proud of being different. I’m glad that I’m not inside all that pressure of fitting in with the big crowds, the popular ones (you know what I mean). I feel like I’m mostly a very understanding person, a good listener. I know everyones got their own problems, of all kinds.
Yet, the though of what others think of me once in a while gets deep into my mind. You cannot tell me not to care about that, because you yourself (everyone) knows that its something that just isnt easy to avoid. Everyone would like to be liked by people, looked upon as positive.
I’m unique, I know that very well. Still, it would be nice to fit in with the rest of the crowd too. Just feel like being included and not just a random observer by the sideline. I feel like such a freak whenever I’m at school for example.
If thats not the case then I’m invisible. Seeing how people are sitting together in groups. Everyone is eating, talking just like friends do. Then theres you. The only one sitting there without a single person next to you. You sit there trying to act like you dont care, so you dont look stupid for sitting alone. Seeing people you used to be with, not caring if youre alone anymore. Why exacly am I like this? Why can’t I too just lift my legs and move over to them, and well talk?
Walking around in the breaks, worst aswell. Running and walking around the entire school looking so stupid having no idea where you should go. People giving you weird looks, either they pity me or their judging me.
Often I think of just killing myself, killing someone else, just in order to get attention. It’s sick isnt it?