i heard it rained in the sahara; and i decided to change

i have apart of me ive been too afraid to show anyone but after my last entry ive felt better so here it goes: 

it started when i was 14.

the first time i actually started doing stuff with guys

he was 19, i had just met him. i dont remember his name-but i remember his eyes 

i remember his voice, and the touch of his skin

that was the first time someone ever took advantage of me 

he took my virginity, and he never looked back i never even got a call back

i was 14.

i am now 16, and did not learn my lesson.

tuesday i invited a boy i didnt know over, but everyone thought he was hot.

he said he loved my body as he touched it and kissed it

when he pulled down my pants 

he noted my scars.

did not say anything until-the laughter 

i will never forget how hard he laughed

i just starred.

after he tired to continue to get back to where we left off

i screamed, and i cried for him to leave my house, and he did.

he blocked me on all social media after that

i wept all night.

wednesday: i invited an old friend over, after i gave part of myself to him he got up and left, he said he had to be home.

i waited 6 hours for a text, when i finnaly decided to text him first 

i asked if i could see him again

he said he didnt think so.

 

 

I was sitting in the shower with the water running over my head hating myself all night 

i heard it rained in the sahara and i decided to change

i stood up and scrubbed my body, every inch as hard as i could

i washed my hair twice and brushed my teeth 

i left and changed my bed sheets 

im tired of being used i deserve better then this

i need to love myself before i can love anyone else 

im 16 years old and i have let 15 people take parts of me away.

my body has always been a battleground in someone else’s war

but not anymore.

 

 

 

feel free to leave comments, nothing mean though this is a really touchy subject and the first time im talking about it.

merry christmas xx

 

One thought on “i heard it rained in the sahara; and i decided to change”

  1. I understand the need to feel loved and appreciated. Men will take full advantage of your willingness and won’t bat an eye or look back. You have the right idea by stating you will change these ways, you need to fully love you, first. The guy laughing at the scars is a coward. Real women have scars, stretch marks and other imperfections they don’t show us on tv. It’s a real blessing that he did move along. You deserve much better than some coward. 16 is a hard age, but don’t let others get you down. Value yourself and know that you matter. This way nobody can ever again have the right to take any part of you away.

    Merry Christmas

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