i have apart of me ive been too afraid to show anyone but after my last entry ive felt better so here it goes:
it started when i was 14.
the first time i actually started doing stuff with guys
he was 19, i had just met him. i dont remember his name-but i remember his eyes
i remember his voice, and the touch of his skin
that was the first time someone ever took advantage of me
he took my virginity, and he never looked back i never even got a call back
i was 14.
i am now 16, and did not learn my lesson.
tuesday i invited a boy i didnt know over, but everyone thought he was hot.
he said he loved my body as he touched it and kissed it
when he pulled down my pants
he noted my scars.
did not say anything until-the laughter
i will never forget how hard he laughed
i just starred.
after he tired to continue to get back to where we left off
i screamed, and i cried for him to leave my house, and he did.
he blocked me on all social media after that
i wept all night.
wednesday: i invited an old friend over, after i gave part of myself to him he got up and left, he said he had to be home.
i waited 6 hours for a text, when i finnaly decided to text him first
i asked if i could see him again
he said he didnt think so.
I was sitting in the shower with the water running over my head hating myself all night
i heard it rained in the sahara and i decided to change
i stood up and scrubbed my body, every inch as hard as i could
i washed my hair twice and brushed my teeth
i left and changed my bed sheets
im tired of being used i deserve better then this
i need to love myself before i can love anyone else
im 16 years old and i have let 15 people take parts of me away.
my body has always been a battleground in someone else’s war
but not anymore.
feel free to leave comments, nothing mean though this is a really touchy subject and the first time im talking about it.
merry christmas xx