It’s now officially Christmas, I’m supposed to be at work at 8 in the morning. I’ve only opted to go in because I’m not a fan of the holiday’s and just want to give back to people. Nobody asks to be in the hospital on Christmas. They need the nurse that will make them laugh, the nurse that make them feel a little better.

As much as the holidays are a  bitter pill to swallow. It’s days like these I miss Maddy, and I miss Bethany. While I know nobody ever prepares us for loss of a family member, it’s jjust hard to think of a holiday with out them. While I hate sounding like I chose the loss of Maddy over the loss of Bethany, but the loss of your own flesh and blood is really painful. Maddy would be 5 now, she would have loved Christmas I’m sure, as much as Bella loves Christmas, and I imagine them playing together, and talking about things.

Then I think of Bethany how much she’d love to spend Christmas with Bella, but here I am, without a daughter, and without a sister. The pain is tough some days perhaps too tough. As my mind is a mess. I’ll always love both of them. 

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