So who am I? I was for a very long time a slave. I had no limits, no rights, and definitely no choices.
In my journey I have been owned 3 previous times. The most recent ending October 27th of 2016. All three were very different. The first wanted tpe. I found the concept to be a very secure one, however although I’m sure people out there do it, I don’t see how that’s accomplished in a long distance relationship. The second was a sadist. He taught me the joy in pain. At least that’s how I saw it at the time. When the pain went to broken bones and true fear for my life it ended. The last was more into swinging.
Each of these has taught me things about myself. Things I like, things I don’t. Each has brought me to where I am today and I’m sure as I write more of each relationship will show itself.
I am now entering my fourth and what I hope to be my last relationship. But then just between you and me, I never would have thought I’d have another after the last. There were many times I knew it wasn’t going to last, but I told myself that was ok because I’d experienced everything I wanted to in the lifestyle. It was only after it ended that I realized I missed experiencing one thing I always wanted. I missed experiencing love. Oh yes I loved him. But I was merely property to him. Ranking somewhere below his dog and maybe above or on the same level of his truck.
On more than one occasion I’ve been picked over. Set aside for someone who I won’t deny is far better than me. But I just wasn’t ready to walk away from it all without feeling loved just once in my life. Actually it became more of a working theory whether it was possible for property to be loved. I mean I don’t expect it that’s for sure. I expect to be used until he finds the one he can really love.
So, I’m starting over again. In what possibly for the time being will be a long distance relationship. And from a submissive stand point I feel secure. He knows me well already. He knows my fears and insecurities. I find him very easy to open up to, to share myself with. But for the female in me he’s almost overwhelming at times. He doesn’t just want to know what turns me on and what my fantasies are. he wants to know what hurts me, what makes me laugh. And I find myself both as a submissive and a woman already very in love with him.
So this will be my place of solace to sort myself out when I feel I need to. And since I tend to over think that happens quite frequently.