I Need You Here…

I am tired of people telling me that you are in a better place now, because I know you’re not. And I know that you didn’t want to die, you weren’t ready. You wanted to dance again, go fishing. You wanted to keep laughing and talking. You wanted to keep living. You should be here, but for some god forsaken reason, you’re not. You were taken away from us, and murderers and worse will roam this earth until they’re one hundred years old. It isn’t fair, and you should be here.

it might be selfish of me, but . . .


Your laughter was music to my ears, and your voice was pure magic. Your eyes lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning every time we walked into the room. I miss those eyes of green-brown. I miss that voice of gold…I miss your sarcasm, and your wit…your love and contrariness…I miss how we could say I love you, and you’d finish with a bushel and a peck and however many hugs around the neck. I miss holding your hand while I would sit beside your bed and talk to you. I miss running my fingers across your forehead and through your hair before I would kiss you goodnight or “See you in a few days.” I miss your good days, and your bad. I miss your cussing everyone you laid your eyes on, and your arguing. I miss feeding you chicken and ice cream every time we came to see you. I miss you threatening to drink the whole cow when you were almost out of milk.. I miss everything about you…the good, the bad, the happy, the sad…everything.

People keep telling me that you are in a better place, but you’re not… The best place you could have been was here with us. The preacher at your funeral said that you were with Jesus and God now…Ha… If you were here, we could have told him together that if they existed, they could both go burning straight to hell. Painfully. 

I love you, more than you ever could know. I held you up on this ethereal mountain while I was growing up. You were my idol, my hero, and nothing could bring you down. You were invincible, and you’d never die. You’d always be here… As I grew older, I lived right next door to you, and yet I stopped coming over as often…I regret all the years that I didnt spend as much time with you as I could have. 

In all my years, I have loved you, idolized you, taken you for granted, disliked you, loved you more than words could say, and been there during the last few years when you weren’t able to do as much. You were my world, and you still are… Losing you is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, and I would rather die than see any more time pass without you in it. 

You should still be here.

You are SUPPOSED to be here.

Life without you is not worth it…

Loving you always, and hoping to see you soon, C~

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