Losing myself physically, part 2.

So I tried to do yoga before going to my mom’s house. Yoga used to be so easy. I did it on my rest days. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

But then I could barely do anything. I was there for a couple of hours and all I got accomplished was that I roasted some peppers in the oven. I had to tell my mom and my sisters I had to go home. I got to my apartment and had to lay in bed for 30 minutes before I had the energy to take my medication.

I felt like such a failure.

So why am I so proud of myself today?

I’ve been doing yoga every day because I finally feel ready to start getting back into my routine. I had to cut my hours back at work to start school, which has meant I have a lot more time to workout. This last semester was hell because of one of my classes, but I won’t be so overwhelmed next semester.

I had plans to start doing my beach body workouts in the morning and yoga in the evenings. But I’ve proven to myself I can’t even do yoga right now without exhausting myself. So I am holding off on the Beachbody workouts and am going to start slow.

I have to remember that I had to start slow before. I couldn’t even do my physical therapy exercises on a whole phone book. They had to cut it in half so I could step up on it.

I have to remind myself that it’s okay that I can’t just jump right back into working out twice a day. I need to accept where I am physically and work my way up from there.

SO I am setting myself step goals. 1st goal: Walk 10,000 steps and have a yoga session daily.

Today is the first day to attempt to reach this goal.

I have the day off, so I decided to take a 30-minute walk and the apartment’s gym. And it ended up an interesting experience. I went into my closet to pick out my workout clothes. I have so many. And they were messy. I got them reorganized as I picked out an outfit to wear on my walk (it makes me feel better when things are neat and organized). I put them on and started lacing up my old but so comfy running shoes. I had stopped running in them some time ago, but just can’t get rid of them as they were my first pair. They seemed perfect for this walk. So I laced them up while sitting on my floor, just like I used to do. It’s been so long since I’ve done what used to be this daily routine. The whole process felt so strange and familiar at the same time. I went to the gym and had my 30-minute walk. I wanted to do more, but I know I have so much to do today that I needed to save my energy. I came back, took a shower, and realized what a sense of pride I have now.

I did it. And I feel so good. I feel strong and powerful again. And I can’t wait to push myself to get even stronger.

Instead of losing myself physically, I’ll be loving myself physically. My body gets me through the day and I appreciate everything it can do for me. I may have to start over trying to regain my strength, but I already know what I am capable of. And it feels good to be on my way back.

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