Chasing a feeling

I went out tonight.

Being surrounded by drunks didn’t make me want to drink.  It just made me realise what a waste drinking alcohol is.

The majority of people were drunken slurry discordinated messes.  Throwing their money away to have a few hours of fun.  In reality they  look vulgar and their heads are sure to hurt in the morning.

Its all false and there is so much more to life than chasing a feeling that’s just going to leave you feeling empty and ashamed the following day. 

I saw my ex boyfriend out, we finished 5 years ago.  Seeing him made me feel nauseous, I am still deeply affected by him.  I definitely don’t love him, I doubt I ever did.  But years ago we were so close we manipulated each other, we were lovers, best friends but enemies at the same time.

We poisoned each other’s minds.  We were an awful match.  Seeing him brought flash backs of when we were together.  I used to know what words would hurt him, and what words would make him come running back.  He played with my mind for over four years.  My soul was broken when I was with him.

I hope one day I can move on, I hope one day I will no longer be broken.


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