Far be it for me to not believe.
God has given me a thousand chances to get it right, and I still fail every morning. I want, more than anything, to be the successful girl. The one who others see as strong, honest, kind. I want boys to see me as more than just a pretty face and to have friends that stay forever. I want my family to always be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself. The problem is, I want to do it on my own. I’ve always been stubborn in that really, and it’s my downfall.
Yet, if i’m being honest, i’m just tired. Some nights tears slide down my cheeks and I just can’t stand up by myself, no matter how much I try. Some mornings I get up and go through the motions of putting on clothes, making coffee, and walking out the door–my heart heavy. Sometimes I feel like boys chase my body and forget about ME completely. Sometimes people leave me and walk out of my life. Sometimes I disappoint people and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I’m a little ball of emotions and feelings and crazy thoughts and I have too many nights in which I am convinced no boy will ever go deep enough to really know me: my fears, my passions, me. I fear my family will wake up and wonder what happened with me. I’m not doing enough or i’m not successful enough. Thought after thought comes up and over and over again I tell myself they are lies.
I have to remind myself that I AM worth it. My family loves me. My friends are here. I am worth more than just my body. I am intelligent, interesting, empathetic, funny and kind.
Even writing those words makes my eyes light up because I know that Christ believes them. I don’t really know what i’d do without Him…because even when life hurts the most, being the daughter of a King gets me through it. And i’m in love with that.