It’s hard. It’s harder than I thought it would be. Two surgeries in 5 weeks was hard, then being told I have cancer was devastating. Now the physical changes I’m going through are really hard. Hot flashes, waking up drenched in sweat, feeling weak, joints hurting, pain all over my body. Is it the cancer growing inside me or just a result of having organs and glands cut from my body. This is all such a mind-fuck. Emotions are everywhere. And I have no one.