Just some random thoughts 1 / 2016 is almost over

I feel the time goes by faster and faster each year. I cannot believe we got only a few days left in 2016. This year was full of dramas, a lot of ups and downs.

An earlier this year, I was living in Okinawa. I had wanted to get away from the cold weather that is why I had chosen there. Originally, I was staying there for a month but I lasted only a week. I felt so isolated, miserable and depressed. The weather was warmer but it was gray all the time while I was staying. Soon after I came back, it snowed here but I was so glad to be back.

Late February, we moved into this apartment. I was struggle and needed some change. That was my addiction.. Once I felt bored, I would want to move our. I had moved out so many times in my life. But this time, I felt like this is my home. I haven’t felt this way over 20 years…

Spring and Summer was all about changing my jobs. I lost even counts but I am sure I had changed jobs more than 5 times within 5 months. That became my new addiction… Instead of moving out, I would change my jobs.

One day in September, all of the sudden it hit me.. I was like.. I need help. Then I got an appointment at a mental doctor’s office. that was a very first time to see a mental specialist. that was my lowest. I didn’t know what to do by myself anymore.. I was so irritated, unhappy, unmotivated. I didn’t want to be even alive.

The first medication didn’t help me much so I got a new medication. It works so well for me! I have more energy and interests now. Now I try to keep my life simple as possible. I don’t think about not wanting to live anymore. I don’t need to move out or have an urge to change something in my life either.

This year started out pretty rough but I am so glad that it seems like I am finishing it off pretty well. 🙂 All I do is I try to live fully every day with some help from others… taking meds, writing this journal and doing my morning ritual. I am looking forward to seeing what next year brings me. A lot of happiness and excitements I hope. 🙂 

 

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