Daddy Issues?

How did it all start? The beginning? Well, my mom got pregnant with her college boyfriend and when he found out he was gone. I’ve never met the guy, I don’t even know anything about him except for his first name. I can only assume some of his physical traits based off what I have that my mom doesn’t have. My mom has blonde hair and blue eyes, I have brown hair and brown eyes. So it’s safe to say that my biological father has brown hair and brown eyes. I think about my bio-dad every single day, and I can’t help but wonder how different my life would be if he took part in raising me. Would I be happier? Would my mom be happier? Would I have siblings? Maybe I do have half-siblings that I don’t even know about. Maybe my bio-father is dead, or in prison. Maybe he’s super successful. Maybe he doesn’t even know that I exist. All of these thoughts run through my head every single day. I try to make it seem like it doesn’t bother me by making jokes about it. For example, someone says something like “My dad took me to the mall today” and I’ll respond with  “What’s a dad” or something along those lines, and honestly I do find my jokes funny, as do other people, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about not knowing my biological father, because I do. I care a lot. But there isn’t really anything I can do about it, he wasn’t put on my birth certificate and my mom never talks about him. Then again, I’ve never really asked. It’s just crazy to think about him. I hate him for leaving us, but at the same time, if he hadn’t left then I wouldn’t have turned out the way I am today, and if I had turned out any other way I probably wouldn’t have met all of my best friends. But maybe since I have all those friends now, I can start asking my mom more about him. I don’t know, the entire situation has me conflicted and I’m not sure what to do or how exactly I feel.

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