Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on movin’

 A few days later, and beyond the mundane annoyance of the cast, things are looking up. The lawyer sent a certified letter via email to the ex’s attorney explaining that he violated a court order and it hasn’t even been a month since it has gone into effect. My teenager followed through with reporting the things she has witnessed to cps which means now I sit back in patience. Still, I pray that the school goer is ultimately okay. I really wanted her to have a relationship with her father that was somehow productive. My heart breaks for her because she’s such a happy kid with a big heart and I don’t ever want her to lose that magic that abuse can take away from someone. Deep down I knew he’d hurt her somehow, I just prayed I wasn’t right.

My family, mom and dad are both quite upset and rightly so. They’re both really concerned for the school goer and if she’s okay. We all remember the drug abuse, the element of company the ex keeps, and how filthy his living situation is. This has been a rough week as of so far to say the least.

In other parts of my world: the fiance has been amazing taking care of me. We had some moments and it’s to be expected. I’m bound to sitting and laying a lot which means much of the burden is on him to cook, clean and do errands. Every day that I feel better, I have been cleaning and cooking as much as I can stand to. Tonight I cleaned the whole house. I feel accomplished for doing so. It’s strange not getting up and doing the everyday things I have done before. 

Amid my day, I also got a small mirror and did my make up just to feel good. The fiance swears I don’t need it, that I have a natural beauty. However, I wanted to see how I looked with eye make up. It was fun, I don’t normally bother as I get too busy with everything else. 

Here’s a funny for you. My fiance has a hat from the air force so I out it on earlier a drink took a few selfies. This was fun but I am almost 100% German. I thought to myself “oh my God I look like a freaking Nazi” the fiance says “nah, you look hot” I’ll go for his comment, it’s much nicer. Besides, German or not, I am an Indigo soul and would give anyone the shirt off my back if they needed it.

Megawatt commented on one of my previous posts which made me see things in more positive light. I am certainly God that I had those of you who look in at my situations and can offer a different approach. I think too often, we all can be guilty of thinking the worst so when someone offers a different approach, it is much appreciated. So thank you for that megawatt.

For the past hour I’ve been zoning out listening to music. It’s amazing how it can take me to new worlds for a while and make me forget that I am stuck in this uncomfortable cast. 

The good news is that I go tomorrow morning to get it cut off of my leg for a cat scan. I’m curious to see how well my caring for myself has gotten me. I am optimistic that it had healed well and hopefully I will get a different type of cast or a brace for the foot. I do not think I’m ready to walk on it quite yet, but I feel I am ready for a brace instead of a heavy nasty cast. I’m going to work hard with the doctor to see what he does. If it’s still a ways from healing, I won’t argue with him too much if he feels that it needs another hard cast, I just have an extremely hard time getting comfortable at night with it.

Making love with a cast on was awkward at first. I did a few positions with the fiance until settling with the boring traditional way of on my back. It was interesting to try the other ways at least. I won’t go into what we normally do, it’s extremely personal and only meant for him and I but … in case anyone else is in a cast and thinks their love life ended, trust me it didn’t. Just do what’s the most comfortable for you while you heal. 

I noticed this evening that I’m in love with the fiance more than ever. It was weird how it hit me. I knew I was in love with him, but this was intense when it really occurred to me. I just hope he feels that deeply about me. Most artists and poets will agree with me when I say when we fall in love it’s very deep and passionate and it lasts forever when we have the right one. That’s the way it is for me with him. Sometimes I feel like I can’t explain it good enough to capture the depth of it. Therefore I feel he’s my soul soulmate.  I’ve never felt this way for anyone before him, not this involved and intense. In his eyes I can tell that he feels the same way.

Now I’m going to sail away to China with music.


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