After I started writing on this website I realized how many people turn to music when in pain or are frustrated or feeling alone but I had never even thought of listening to music in any of these cases.
Although I listen to music but never to make myself at peace. So why is that? So why do I listen to music and what do I do when I have all these feelings of loneliness and stuff.
After reading so many entries I also realized I never had most of the problems that teenagers share here. When I was a teenager why did I not had any of those problems, I asked myself .
First about the Music. I used to listen to music a lot and I mean A LOT. Then for some time I totally quit for religious reasons. TOTALLY QUIT. That means I wouldn’t let anyone play music in the car if I was in it. During that time something happened.
I became emotional. My eyes would get wet when I would see someone cry, I would feel pain when I would see someone else in pain. I would get happy on the slightest of things and I would work all day without getting tired. Like I said I stopped listening to music because of religious reasons.
I would even dress religiously and because of that I would get discounts without even asking for them. lol.
Instead of Music I would listen to Recitation of Quran and since my Grandfather on Mother side was a religious scholar and had wrote many booklets, I would read his writings when ever I would get time.
This was long ago. When I was in 7th grade and that was when I was 13 OMG So long ago. NOooo that can’t be right. Let me calculate again. I am now in the third year of University ,that’s three years plus two years of college, that 5 years then three years of school, that 5+3=8, I’m 21 at the moment 21-8, 13. Damn.
No wonder I was getting discounts I must have looked so cute in white “Shalwar Kameez” and the religious HAT.
I was very much at peace at that time. The most common problems I see teenager writing about are either about friends, B/G friend.
I don’t remember KG much except the face of a boy who lived near my home and the face that I peed my pants once and a function and the ground in which we played and the layout of the school building. I don’t remember having any friends but I think I didn’t had the concept of friends at that time.
Moving on. In the first grade I the only boy bullied by all the other boys in the class. No friends again.
Moving on. Grade 1 again in another school. I joined the bullies, but I never actually physically bullied anyone. Just words. I did some pretty crazy shit. I’m amazed at how dirty I used to think at that time.
Moving on to Grade Two same story same school.
Grade three. My family moved to a city adjacent to Dubai. I was the only boy who sat alone the whole year. Was considered a weirdo. I never fitted in .I never made any friends there. The one person I thought was my friend fought with me on something I don’t even remember, something very trivial he gave me death threats which were very threatening at the time. Thus no friends.
Grade four. We moved back to Pakistan. A new school, cadet school. Made some friends.
Grade fifth, sixth same story made some friends made some enemies but eventually made friends with the enemies. There were some bullies in the class but I was never bullied. I was nice to everyone. I was even nice to bullies thus bullies never bullied me which is something strange now that I think about it.
Grade seventh, Cadet Class. Instead of studying grade seventh I studied Cadet Class which was a special year long Class and was considered very hard. Thus no many students joined. I didn’t wanted to join it but my friend “Zeeshan”[who lives near my house but I think the last time I visited him was a year ago, Damn me.] did and thus I did too.
I made friends with “Ahsan” in cadet class who also lives near my home and very often we visit each other. When he has something troubling him he calls me and vice-versa we go outside for burger talk about the problem.
Grade 8,9,10 I manage to make friends with everyone in the class. There was no one in the class who didn’t liked me.
Thus in the long years I learned how to make friends and how to distinguish between good friends and bad friends.
I’ll be blunt about the Girl Friend thing. I’ve never had any. My religion doesn’t permit it. Men are supposed to lower there gaze when talking to a women and are not to talk without a reason.
I try to uphold the teaching but like I said I try. Now that I’m in University I have all the chances in the world and yet I fight the urge.
Since I never got into the G/F business I never felt heartbroken, cheated, lonely and all that stuff that comes as the by product of having a relationship This entry is getting too long.
I think I need to quit now. Will write again soon.