New Years..Break Through???

I can breathe today… Should i be worried?!? Having any kind of stress disorder is difficult. Over the years I have learned how to keep myself at a stable level. (For the most part) Medication has a large roll in that. It literally like your own personal person. i have to take the meds to feel like a normal human being. and lord forbid i miss my dosage. the withdrawals are NO JOKE. I hate taking medication. Being in the healthcare industry you have to be the back bone. hearing over 40 different peoples sorrys a day someone always has it worse. So this is how i get my release. I’ve never been one of those people to repetitively speak about their problems. In all honesty if you knew me in person you would think my life couldn’t possibly be better. I’m always smiling. Trying my best to be positive and lead the best foot forward. I don’t live for me anymore i have to make an example now. I want to raise a lady. A strong, Independant,Wise, lady.  But everybody has their own demons and skeletons. Some are just worse then other. On another note. I really think Brandon and I came too an understanding tonight. We smoke about the ” what if” of divorce. Like he already cant realize we are to this point….Surprisingly it was comforting. Of course this is Brandon and hi mind will change at the drop of a hat but i guess ill just have to seen when the time comes. I do truly feel like it may be the best possible thing for Kali. He isnt going to change and i cant live that way any longer. I wish someone could just make decisions for me. sometimes its like a little overwhelming.  anyhow. Kalianne and I spent the night in bringing in the new years with some Mickey Mouse Club House. i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I’m not much of a drinker tho i did have my new year crown shot. hasn’t worked yet but the year i miss it ill really be in deep shit.  now just thinking about how i want to go back to the 16 of december back to Disney. Kalianne’s emotions where priceless. The joy in her eyes. we where both of cloud 9. Tho this mom couldn’t afford to may more $40 hot dogs. haha. 

Happy New Years!!!

Kayla Nicole

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