September 25, 2016
My sleep routine has been a little fouled up this week, not too much, but a little and mostly it’s my own fault. I stayed up late a few nights right in a row. So I came back from working this afternoon and was feeling exhausted and tried to take a nap to rest up a bit. Well I must have been dreaming to think that I’d be able to pull this off. These oppressing spirits started up with the damn annoying physical sensations right away. The voices, I’m better able to block out, but the all too intelligently guided sensations can be a real pain in the ass when I’m trying to rest or sleep. The sensations come in many forms. Often, it’s a small and focused but still strong vibration sensation. Usually this will start up on my legs. My legs themselves don’t vibrate, but it’s like they are now within something that is vibrating. Sometimes this strange vibration sensation will move around my body, but recently its been focusing allot on my lower body.
Then I’ll often feel something literally land (so to speak) on my back. It’s small in size, but that is literally what it feels like……something landing on and clinging to my back. I can feel this presence moving around a bit. Then I experience what I can only describe as a rather uncomfortable tickling sensation. This tickling sensation is always focused on parts of my body that cause me great annoyance while I’m trying to rest. No matter which way I toss and turn, it’ll start right back up….there simply is no escape from it that I’ve been able to discover so far. I guess in a sense, I am fortunate that things aren’t as bad as they once were as far as these physical sensations/attacks go. Back in March of 2015, I remember that there was a brief period where literally every night, as soon as I got into bed, I would feel a finger coming up out of the mattress, poking me in my lower back. This is when all of this was just beginning for me, so I was distressed greatly by it. As terribly aggravating as this all still is for me, it does seem to have at least stabilized and calmed down a bit since I’ve been able to control my emotions better and no longer am living in fear of these malevolent spirits. The same holds true with the voices. They were so much more present and intense back in the first few months of all of this, but even though they are almost always present, they are in a sense, much more pushed into the background now. However, just last week, after having a really bad day at my job, the voices did gain in strength and became quite intense. They do seem to gain strength from my stress level and anxiety.
They themselves, cannot get a rise out of me that much anymore, certainly not like they once did, but everyday life sometimes being what it is, sometimes all the little aggravations put me in a bad emotional state and these malevolent spirits are right there, all too ready and willing to take advantage of the situation. As of right now, there has been no over all increase in the manner of physical sensations/attacks that I experience as far as the intensity of them goes. But these spirits do seem to perhaps be making a bit more of a concerted effort to use this manner of abuse in order to keep continuing to disrupt my day to day life as much as possible. It’s come down to attrition basically. They’re still trying to wear me down as much as possible both physically and mentally. I still try and maintain a positive outlook though. I do have much to be thankful for. One thing being that things aren’t nearly as bad as they were for me back in 2015. I weathered the worst of the storm of voices and I survived it and am glad to still find enjoyment in many things in life still. I try and keep my head up and stay strong and though sometimes I falter, I’m determined to try and continue to live my life and minimize as much as possible the effects of these intrusive spirits that are still a very real presence in my life.