I reach for you only to find strings and conditions attached.1/6/17

I can’t post two entries with the same date so the dates will be in the title so ignore the system given date as it may not always be correct.

Negative head space again. Why does he always bring this out in me. I don’t get it I will be fine then I will talk to him and boom I feel horrible. I guess my feeling and emotions toward him are all messed up. He refuses to take responsibility for making me feel how a do. The jerk…but it’s not his intentions to hurt me and really my feelings aren’t his responsibility they are mine and I need to own and manage them. I happen to suck at that but I’m working on it. I just wish my mentor understood that I can’t trust the words of someone I need actions as I’ve been told exactly what I needed to hear to convince me to do things but the words where never followed through with and I was left destroyed completely and it took me a long time to repair the damage that was done. I don’t want to go back there I can’t afford to do so. But I’m miserable where I am now. I guess it doesn’t matter. I won’t ever have anything or anyone else. Since I am not willing to risk myself to give my submission to someone who I can’t seem to relie on at all. So that collar I finally got back together means nothing. As I won’t be wearing it anymore after today.


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