New year, new lessons

New years day

Start to a new year. Not the best day ever. Today I fucked up and made my boyfriend feel crappy. I hurt his feelings and made him feel unattractive. I wasn’t drunk, but he thinks that I said he is only desired for his achievements. Which is also fascinating to me, I have always felt I would like to be valued for my achievements rather than my subpar looks… I guess it’s the opposite for guys.

I think I made a good choice though, when he did come out of the bathroom and decided to be honest with me, I tried my best to make him feel better and apologized. He let me snuggle him and I ended up giving him a handy when he seemed receptive. He said it made him feel wanted and desired. This has made me realize that I need to really focus more on letting him know how I feel, and beyond surface value of just words. I need to take time this year to make an effort to show him everyday how much he means to me, with touch and words and gestures.

Going to be chronicling my new years goals soon, but this is my first one.

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