Not the Same Old Same Old

Oh man. It is day 2 of 2017 and there are so many things! This year I’m working on my balancing act. Last year things were out of whack. Things running through my brain…

  • hitting volume goals
  • family drama
  • Sam
  • new efforts
  • new endeavors
  • planning
  • getting myself back

Sam … I look at Sam and I have tunnel vision. With Sam I have some sort of confidence that I’ve always known I had but didn’t showcase. I’m curious about him. I’m intrigued by him. I find him cute, sexy, smart, solid, attractive, handsome, spiritual, funny, brave, trustworthy. And I feel overwhelmed. NYE was beautiful – it was like a movie…

Last minute we decided to watch Cabaret at place that’s just opening – still soft, as they say. He picked me up and he was waiting outside my building’s front door when I came down. He looked handsome and dashing. We made it downtown and into the venue where a dramatic cabana 1970s motif embraced us and we cozied in with the leader of the Cabaret troop and her hubby. We drank and snacked and smoked together before the show started.

We joined one of the showgirls’ more well known fans, she was solo and had a booth. Sam cozied up next to me with his arm around me and I got to know our new friend a little more. He had me on the dance floor on and off and we did well together. The dancers approached our table a few times – feathers were floating around, costume sparkles were dazzling, and the night went on. We became more comfortable embracing and touching and it felt like I fit next to him.

We shared our first kiss at midnight and it was so storybook I have to laugh at myself. It makes me giddy. We danced more and said goodbye to our new friend. We spilled champagne and laughed. We decided to head back to the neighborhood and hit a dive bar on the way home. It was packed and there were friendly familiar faces all around. It was the New Year. People were smiling and happy. The bartender was nicely dressed, a change from his normal “whatever” wear. We hardly had anything more to drink before I was hungry and ready to go home and cook some food. 

At home we had fun being in the kitchen together and preparing some food. Sam shared more about himself and I think it took some umpf on his part to open up like that. In that time I felt my own walls come down and we seemed to enter a safe, clean, honest space together. It only lasted a few minutes but it was a powerful few minutes. I felt a natural and easy acceptance for him and what he was saying to me. It reminded me of the gratitude I learned about in China. Something equally robust and deep, a feeling I know but more and better now – it has my attention again. It feels divine. 

We woke up together and spent a slow January 1 together through half the afternoon. Tangled embrace. I enjoyed having him around. We alternated from the couch to the bed and back to the bed again. There was music on and we chatted and sat in silence together. I learned he is pensive, thoughtful – he may have not said anything for some time and right when I’d be thinking he had moved on he’d surprise me with additional thought. 

He adorably readied himself to leave my home. He had a constant smile on his face and I couldn’t help but beam joy back at him. I don’t know what I want other than to keep seeing him. Slow is good. We agree. Agreement is the place for me to be with other people in my life. 

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