the truth about relationships today

Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard? Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love or have we forgotten what love is?

We’re not prepared. We aren’t prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love. We aren’t ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work. We want everything to be easy. We are quitters. All it takes is a single hurdle to make us crumble to our knees. We don’t let our love grow, we let go before time. It’s not love we’re looking for, only excitement and thrill in life. We want someone to watch movies and party with, not someone who understands us even in our deepest silences. We spend time together, we don’t make memories. We don’t want the boring life. We don’t want a partner for life, we want someone who can make us feel alive right now, this very instant. When the excitement fades, we discover nobody ever prepared us for the mundane. We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure. We immerse ourselves in the inconsequential of the city life, leaving no space for love. We don’t have time for love. We don’t have the patience to deal with relationships. We’re busy people chasing materialistic dreams and there’s no scope to love.

Relationships are nothing more than an inconvenience. We look for instant gratification in everything we do– the things we post online, the careers we choose, and the people we fall in love with. We want the maturity in a relationship that comes with time, the emotional connection that develops over the years, that sense of belonging when we barely even know the other person. Apparently, nothing’s worth our time and patience; not even love. We’d rather spend an hour each with multiple people than spending the whole day with one. We believe in having ‘options’. We’re ‘social’ people. We believe more in meeting people than getting to know them. We are greedy. We want to have everything. We get into relationships at the slightest attraction and step out the moment we find someone better. We don’t want to bring out the best in that one person, we want them to be perfect. We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance. We are disappointed in everyone and everything.

Technology has brought us closer together, so close that it’s impossible to breathe. Our physical presence has been replaced by texts, snapchats and FaceTime. We don’t feel the need to spend time together anymore. We have too much of each other already. There’s nothing left to talk about. We’re a generation of ‘wanderers’ who wouldn’t dare to stay in one place for too long. Everyone is commitment-phobic. We believe we’re not meant for relationships. We don’t want to settle down, just thinking about it scares us. We cannot imagine being with one person for the rest of our lives, we walk away. We despise permanence like it’s some social evil. We like to believe we’re ‘different’ than the rest, we like to think we don’t conform to social norms.

We’re a generation that calls itself ‘sexually liberated’. We can tell sex apart from love, or so we think. We are the hook-up-break-up generation. We have sex first, then we decide whether or not we want to love that person. Sex comes easy, loyalty does not. Getting laid has become the new getting drunk, you do it not because you love the other person but because you want to feel good. It’s all the temporary fulfillment we need. Sex outside relationships isn’t taboo anymore. Relationships aren’t that simple anymore, even though relationships were never really simple to begin with. There are open-relationships, friends with benefits, casual flings, one-night stands, no strings attached, ‘things’– we’ve left very little space for love in our lives.

We’re the practical generation who runs on logic itself. We don’t  know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn’t fly to a far away land just to see someone we love, we would break up because of the distance. We are just too sensible for love, too sensible for our own good.

We are a scared generation– scared to fall in love, scared to commit, afraid of getting our hearts broken. We don’t allow anyone in, nor do we step out and love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind the walls we’ve created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We suddenly ‘can’t handle it’. We don’t want to be vulnerable, we don’t want to bare our soul to anyone. We are too guarded, we don’t even value relationships anymore. We let go of the most wonderful people for the ‘other fish in the sea’. We don’t consider them sacred anymore. There is nothing we couldn’t conquer in this world, and yet, here we are losing at the game of love– the most basic of human instincts.

2 thoughts on “the truth about relationships today”

  1. I read your post with great interest. I believe you have some valid points but you are missing the big picture. You ask “Why do we fail at love every time?” I don’t believe we do. The problem is not love–love is easy–the problem is commitment. If you want a true relationship, you must have both love and commitment.

    Ask yourself, “How honest am I with the other party?” Are you able to sit down with the other person and have an honest conversation about where you want the relationship to go and how far you are willing to take it to that point. Have you discussed the dark portions of your life so there will be no surprises that come up along the way to throw the entire relationship off track. The time to have some serious honest discussions is in the beginning not the end.

    This honesty includes everything, not just random things you are willing to throw out to see what kink of reaction you get.

    If you go in to a relationship with only the thought of instant gratification then that is all you will get out of it. If that’s what you want, convey that to the other person in the beginning. If they want something more there is no point going any further.

    Try honesty for a change, you might enjoy it.

  2. Very well put @MidnightWriter
    I understand what you are saying but in my opinion, we do fail at love almost every time. You say that the problem is commitment, you are 100% correct. We can not commit long enough to fall in love with one another, therefore, we fail at the concept of love.
    I agree with your thoughts on honesty. To make a relationship work, the two beings in the relationship must have trust and be honest with each other. As a young teen in today’s society, I have noticed that it is greatly difficult for 15-17 year olds to be honest. Most of us teens are in it for the thrill, for the excitement when really, we should be in it for each other. We just struggle with that because we are too caught up in the thought that our lives must be exciting or we are not truly living.

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