Anxious and full of regret

About 3 weeks ago I payed for the entrance thing for the new years prom. It will be happinging on January 19. In the beginning I really didn’t want to join at all, I didnt care. Then my friends started talking about it more and more and suddenly I ended up getting a dress and paying for the entrance thing after all. Me and my bestfriend really talked about it alot. How we would just own the whole place (for fun) and just like do our own thing. We agreed that we would just pretend its only the two of us there. 

Suddely she backs out. My mother has already gotten me a dress from overseas and we have already paid for it. It’s too late for me to back out now, or I could skip it. But then my mother will be dissapointed, and then theres no purpose for that beautiful dress she got me and the payment is then a waste of money. 

I’m mostly anxious of going, since I’m obviously my grades biggest loner. My old friends don’t even care anymore If im standing alone. I don’t even know if the others that are KIND OF outcasts are even going at all. What have I gotten myself into? All of those people who I do not like, and that looks at me as a freak (or they dont know i excist) are going to be there. We will all be getting assigned seats. What If i end up on a table together with a bunch of talkative people. Were I’ll end up sitting there like a socially awkward silent invisible piece of sht.

One thought on “Anxious and full of regret”

  1. Maria, just go anyway. You won’t see these people EVER AGAIN after you graduate, who cares what they think? If you are the grade’s biggest loner then no one really cares or thinks about you ever. Sad but true, you’re invisible so no one has any thoughts about you, not even about you being a loner, they just have no thoughts at all.

    Trust me I’ve been through similar experiences. I still have memories of prom and the homecomings I attended. They were all fun and I don’t regret my behavior because they shaped who I am today. Go in there and have fun. If it sucks, you get to live another day, but at least you won’t regret it.

    What I can tell you though is that you won’t get another chance at this, you will be an old lady one day, so go now and have no regrets while you’re still in your teens.

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