Monday Blues

       Today is Monday.  I regret to inform you, dear reader, that I did not have a good day.  I got my period; as you may imagine I’ve been in pain all day due to cramps. I’ve tried everything, bleeding out of my lady parts is not what made today so awful, it’s the emotional side effects it has on me.

 I feel unloved at this time of the month. I feel unloved all the time really, but these days especially. I don’t feel very special to anyone ever; it heightens during these 7 days. I feel more unattractive these days. I feel uncomfortable these days. I don’t know why but the confidence I have is lowered severaly during said days. 

I know I must be loved by someone, but I am always unsure of other people’s feelings. I feel if I make one small mistake, the person will lose total interest in me. I have self respect. I know I am not completely unattractive. I don’t know. I just feel like a mistake sometimes and all my emotions are at their highest peak while I am going through this literal hell.

I am 16 and I believe I found the guy I want forever. Please hold in your chuckles, dear reader, I know I am young. He makes me happy, and I am truly happy with him. I love him. I have had a boyfriend before, a pretty serious one. I clearly didn’t work out, for he made me feel worthless, and he abused me. I was with him for two years and finally worked up the strength to leave him a while ago. Due to the events with the two year guy, I struggle to open up. More so to the opposite sex. Just recently have I told the guy I want about the sexual harassment that occured when I was 5.  Not even my best friends now about that. I don’t trust males easily, for many of them hurt me. My mom liked the kid that abused me, but not the guy who I think actually loves me. That’s another story for a whole new time, dear reader. Please let me know if you wish to hear about why she doesn’t.

The boy I love is so perfect, yet I feel as if it’s all a joke. Although, he tells me I’m best thing to ever happen to him and that he loves me. I trust him, but I am scared he’ll hurt me. Can you blame me? 

These were the thoughts that ran through my head all day today. It’s the reason I am venting out to you at 12:21 in the morning. It’s the reason I can’t sleep. Th reason I am crying.

Why can’t I know forsure how the people I love feel? That’d make me less distance at this time of the month. 

Anyways, thank you for allowing me to vent to you. I really need to quit overthinking things. 

      yours truly

~S

2 thoughts on “Monday Blues”

  1. Yes, I would like to hear about why she doesn’t. To your current issues, yes you are young and so are the people you are forming relationships with. The thing to remember is that we all have emotions. Just because you are young doesn’t mean that you do not have feelings. The problem is not to have feelings but to be able to control those feelings. There are two primary elements to a relationship, love and commitment. You can love a person or a number of people but what is your level of commitment to them and more importantly what is their level of commitment to you.

    You can gage the level of commitment by the way they treat you. How important are you to them. Would they rather talk to you about things that interest you or things that interest them. Would they rather spend their time with you or with their friends. Do they remember your birthday and make it a special day for you. When talking about other people, what is their attitude toward a person that they specifically express. If they talk negatively about someone else they would probably talk that way about you.

    There are many signs that you can look for in a relationship to know another persons opinion and feelings toward you. Just take to time to look for and read the sighs and they you can decide what type of relationship you are in and the level of commitment the other person has toward you.

    Once you start being able to better understand the people you associate with the less stress you will experience and your seven days of hell will be related only to the normal pain of a period.

  2. Hormones, which define our days of the month, are very powerful. Maybe just accept that you are going to feel down on yourself and insecure during the days before and during your period. Know that you’ll feel better again when your hormones balance out. Always ask God for help. He is more than willing. He loves you — that is one love you don’t EVER have to doubt. The Bible talks about hiding under the shadow of His wing. Sounds warm and cozy and safe, doesn’t it. Ask Him to show you how. Blessings to you, dear.

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