I guess I’m in anticipation for spring. It’s cold, the tree’s are barren, and the holiday’s are over. My mother says she misses the Holidays, so we have kept the Christmas tree up still.I am a bit silly, since I go into the Holidays over-joyed, expecting far too much, hoping the Holidays will leave me with a feeling of refreshment. Like every year, it feels as if my family does Christmas wrong, just not in the way it used to be when I was a lot younger.

Nowadays, we tend to shop until the last minute, or run out of money(Not anyone’s fault). My mother has higher expectations and want’s it to turn out “Perfect”. She only gets annoyed at my complete lack of helpfulness and the fact I’m the hardest one to shop for because I don’t have an interest in anything. Honestly I’m never sure what to get anyone, and to be completely honest, I never got the chance to get my mother something. Her birthday is after Christmas though, and my father agreed to a shopping spree for her, so all is well.

We shopped on Christmas eve, and because of my mothers depression, she admits she never was able to enjoy the other fun parts of the Holidays(Baking, cooking, the Christmas decorating, movies and music.)

I really wanted to enjoy it, I just felt like I never ever seem to be able to absorb enough of the feelings of the atmosphere around me when Christmas is here. Something is different, maybe because everyone in my household is being forced to listen to my mother’s Christmas galore of music, everyone seems a bit more happy.

On Christmas day, I was unnaturally excited, but I think I failed last year with gift giving for my father, and this year I failed with my brother. My father told me not to get him “bad” gifts this year, even if it might have been a joke(not sure), it hurt a bit to have to hear it so bluntly. 

My brother has enough money to buy whatever he likes, so we ended up having to take back some gifts that he already had(He bought them for himself a while back).

I was very happy with what I got. 

I made it a point to put my feelings of dislike for parts of my family, away. Just for the day, and learn to enjoy everyone while forgetting everything bad that’s happened over the year. They weren’t so interested in doing the same, and I was a bit sad about having to be reminded about what they don’t like about me on Christmas day. I guess there isn’t a schedule for times when they can and can’t say something to me, that’s not up to me. I am grateful to them, just would have been nice had they left everything behind them for the day.

I helped prepare the dinner for Christmas, and I did baking with my mother for our relatives and friends, so not all was bad.

I guess I just miss it now. It rained a lot in December, but I never thought much about it, since the anticipation of Christmas made it worthwhile for me. Now that it’s over, I just can’t help but feel that I would be happier in Spring. I am dreading summer so much though…

4 thoughts on “Christmas”

  1. Sorry Christmas was a let down for you this year. It happens. You are right, everyone should come together in peace for Christmas. But it seldom happens that way. I wish you a very peaceful winter, and a glorious spring!

  2. Your journal brought back a number of old memories and I thank you for writing the way you did so I could experience those memories. I am from Michigan and remember the falling leaves in the fall, the bare trees in the winter, the glistening evergreen trees following an ice storm. All color is removed from the landscape and days tend to be drab. God’s beauty, however, exists in all the elements of winter and is highlighted by the holidays.

    Yes, there are unfortunate elements to Christmas, but they become fond memories in the future.

    In later years, when I had my own family, I remember with fondness, the last minute shopping trips running from one end of the city to the other fighting city traffic, snow and slush. The last minute rush to put things together after the children had gone to bed.

    There are several things you can do to help make Christmas that special day for you and winter a better season.

    First, remember what Christmas is about. Everything else lacks impact when we concentrate of Christ and the meaning of Christmas. Also, look for the beauty in all things. The broad landscape demonstrating God’s influence has it’s own peace and beauty.
    Second, think of Christmases past. They will create images for you of good things which happened during past holidays and make the current holiday more enjoyable.

    You said it yourself in your journal–“I helped prepare the dinner for Christmas, and I did baking with my mother for our relatives and friends so not all was bad.” Items like this will give you joy in the future as you look fondly back on them.

    Think of the good, overlook the uncomfortable. Rejoice in the meaning of the holiday and look to a bright future.

  3. @Midnight Writer
    Yes, I agree. I forget sometimes about what the meaning behind Christmas is. I am happy with how Christmas was for me last year, even with the bad parts. I find that I remember the not-so-happy moments more than I do the ones where I am happiest(for some reason). Over the years though, they have turned into something that I can become fond of when I remember them, so it does help that Christmas isn’t so perfect as I always hope.:)

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