I met Nick on OKCupid just a few days before New Years. On Dec 31, he drove all the way from Charleston to visit me for a day.
Last night, I drove to Charleston to see him. We had sex. It was very, very awkward. I hadn’t had any since last year, and it was outside behind the building where he works, right against this window that somebody could very well have been behind.
I’m very scared of this whole thing. I like him very much and I will admit, I think he likes me. But, I feel like I might like him a little too much, but at the same time, he irritates me so much. He’s addicted to pain killers and sex. He’s still very much hung up on his ex, and he told me that even though she’s engaged to someone else, she’s been trying to seduce him. Last night, she wouldn’t stop sending him angry texts. He’s always talking about his sexual exploits. I’m actually kinda scared that I’m not the only one he’s having sex with. I just don’t want to be hurt again. when he goes into detail about the crazy, slutty girls he’s been with, I can’t help but feel inadequate. like I won’t be “good” enough and that I’ll be cruelly dumped for somebody that is, even though my heart is in the right place. I’m just scared of really falling in love with him.
I don’t know if I should end it now and spare myself the heartache, or keep at it to see where it goes. what if I sabotage something that might be great?