Sex, booze,drugs – I’m ready for a beautiful life

Two months ago my entire spectrum of hobbies included drinking, having sex, taking drugs, sleeping, coffee, takeaways, more booze… more sex! 

I was full of self hatred and shame.  My mind was very damaged.  My mind is still damaged.. but instead of poisoning my mind with substances I am working hard at fixing myself. 

I am a far cry away from where I want to be in life. There is so much I want to achieve, so many things I want to do.  Two months ago before I stopped drinking I didn’t really think about the future, I didn’t care much for life.  Alcohol was my life, I thought it made me happy.  Infact I believed alcohol to be a magical potion, I could be anywhere with anyone… so long as I was under alcohols influence I was not alone.  Alcohol was my best friend.

The poisonous best friend who stabbed me in the back! Alcohol told me so many lies

“you will never be happy without me”  

“I am the reason you have friends”

 “Men don’t find you attractive without me”  

“I am the best thing that ever happened to you” 

Alcohol constantly fed me with lies and I was blinded.  Blinded to the fact that alcohol was stealing everything I possessed.  Money, my looks, my health, my self respect, others respect for me, my time and more importantly than any factor alcohol was stealing my mind.

I am beginning to see life through new eyes.  It’s not all fun and glory, at the moment my head is all over the place.  One minute I am happily slurping mocktails and taking pictures of pretty scenery, the next I’m crying me eyes out to depressing music.  I’m trying to be kind to myself, I know I won’t be like this forever, my mind is adjusting.  

People may say sober life is boring… but I am confident that sober life is going to bring me a beautiful peaceful life 

3 thoughts on “Sex, booze,drugs – I’m ready for a beautiful life”

  1. Life is all about moderation. Being sober doesn’t mean you can’t have a drink the key is controlling how much in drink. I’m happy that you have decided to take a break from heavy drinking. I bet you couldn’t light a candle to me in my days. LOL ( trying to lighten the mood) What you first should do is evaluate why you choose to drink? Are you suppressing something? Is drinking a coping mechanism? If so what can you do that’s healthier that indulging in those guilty pleasures. No one is perfect so don’t feel ashamed. We all have skeletons and demons we are dealing with. Stay positive.

  2. “I am a far cry away from where I want to be in life. There is so much I want to achieve, so many things I want to do.”

    I say this phrase often in my journal entries. But you have tons of money now. A lot more than I do. You also have all the time in the world apparently since you don’t have a set time to work. Stop. Wasting. Your. Life.

    I’m frustrated too which I write about often in my entries but you probably don’t care.

  3. I am a student so I do have a lot of work to do! Much of my money goes on rent and saving towards the accomodation I will be moving into in a couple of months time.

    I am an alcoholic I cannot drink in moderation. Once I have on drink I lose control and cannot manage the amount I drink. Which is why it’s easier to just not pick up that first drink!

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