strength

I have been down for the longest time. So lost after my heartbreak. Always I feel like there could have been something I could have done. But the days and weeks passed by and the silence stretches beyond. Everyone was telling me to forget him. To move on. To try dating with other men. But I just can’t. I can’t seem to open myself up. I feel something is still holding me back. Until last night, when among all the people I know – someone who is barely a stranger told me to fight for him. If I still love him I should fight for him. If I fail at least I tried and then I know I should move on. I didn’t know how. I never fought for anyone before. And I don’t know where to start. Then suddenly, I realized I could send him a message. I didn’t care anymore. I took a leap of faith. I’ve lost so much already, I don’t care if I could lose more. All I know is that I will regret if I didn’t try. And that if I didn’t try, I will spend a lifetime asking myself ‘ what if ‘.

I wasn’t prepared for his reply. I was more prepared for his indifference. The conversation was a bit awkward but at least we are talking. God, I miss him a lot. I would have given everything to just hear his voice and see him. Before our conversation closed, I asked if he still love me. He said yes. My heart jumped but I just kept things light coz I dont know if it would be enough for him to come back to me. I wish it will be. I hope we can work things out. I don’t want to give up without a fight. Its a silly, stupid decision as what others will say. But at this stage, Iam past embarrassment. I don’t want him to think I never love him enough to fight. It might be that he will love someone else in the end, but the thought of trying is whats important to me. I will face the pain and the burn and I might not rise from it the same person as I was before I got in. I hope I will survive this. 

2 thoughts on “strength”

  1. In the end, we all have to do what we feel is right for us. Often, well meaning people provide us with advise what may be good for them but against everything we believe is right for us. Follow your desires, after all, it is your life.

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